That Unmendable Hole in My Heart
by emichii
Summary: Sequel/companion to "I'm a Soul Reaper, but I Love You!" One fateful, miserable day, Rukia was killed. And now Ichigo can only blame himself for her death.
1. The Darkness that Torments me

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own Bleach!! Ya got that?? **

**AN from emichii: ****Hiya!! Especially to all you readers from my previous fics! Just gotta let you know that this is a sequel/companion to ****I'm a Soul Reaper, but I Love You****, but you don't really have to read that first. But there'll be more details on Karin and Hitsugaya's relationship and Karin's awesome zanpakuto. Anyway, please read and review! Hope you enjoy!! **

That Unmendable Hole in my Heart 

**Chapter ****1: The Darkness that Torments me **

It had been a week.

A week and two days.

A week, two days and four hours. Since she died. Since she was _killed. _Rukia.

--

Karin and Hitsugaya sat on the roof during the late afternoon of the day. As they often did, they sat beside each other in silence and watched the sky. They didn't really have to talk because they simply enjoyed sitting there and watching. But it was different now. There were other things on Karin's mind, and Hitsugaya himself couldn't relax.

Finally, he turned and gazed at her worriedly, and his eyes said _…what's on your mind? _

Karin sighed. _You know, Toushirou… _

He held her gaze for a moment longer and then broke away and stared up at the sky.

He knew it would work. Karin would start talking.

In a quiet, worried and distressed voice, she said, "…You know that Rukia was killed last week… we both know that, but… Ichi-nii was the one there all along. He knows most about what happened, except he won't talk to anyone about it so I have no idea what really happened that day… I'm worried and so sad about all of this and I don't know what to do!!"

Hitsugaya watched as Karin gazed downwards and disheartened at the now setting sun.

"Ichi-nii has locked himself into his room and hardly ever comes out. He won't look at me, Dad or Yuzu and he won't say anything." Karin paused for a moment, recollecting all her troublesome thoughts. "Toushirou, I know that he knows what happened that day. Maybe that's why he's so burdened by it all…"

Hitsugaya said quietly, "Only Ichigo knows the full events of that day but he won't tell us. What can we do?" He frowned.

"Besides," Karin sank down lower as she rested her chin on her knees. "He can't get over Rukia's death. And neither can I." she whispered.

Hitsugaya thought back to when Ichigo had let Hitsugaya take Karin to Soul Society. Ichigo had been furious and Hitsugaya had decided to challenge him by asking him why Ichigo had brought Rukia back to Karakura with him. At this, Ichigo had been silenced. It had been fast but Hitsugaya had caught the emotion on his face and he still remembered it to this day.

Ichigo had been silent and then hung his head down and gazed towards the floor. He had then immediately raised his head again and let out a half-hearted chuckle to shrug off the question.

Hitsugaya stared down at the red sky. "It's because he loved her."

--

Ichigo was going through hell. It was seriously the darkest moments in his life, ever since Rukia died.

He was in his bedroom, with his door locked and now he lay, awake and tormented, on his bed. There was absolutely no comfort for him, no matter where or how hard he searched for it. It felt like he was stuck in a never-ending pit of gloom, misery and self-hatred that was pulling him deep into the darkness, pushing him further away from the outside world, and no matter how far he looked above him, there was no light or opening to the pit.

Ichigo gritted his teeth. Dammit. It was now, especially at these dark times, when he was alone and tormented he would find that tears would build up in his eyes. It was unlike him to have so much sentiment but it was true.

Sometimes, he cried now. Sometimes, he hated himself now. Sometimes he would try to sleep, but every time he'd wake up with the same nightmare now. Sometimes, he would scream at the top of his lungs now, when no-one else was at home. But all the time, he wanted Rukia back.

Ichigo was unable to let go of those events on that fateful horrible day, and the painful scenes that replayed in his head every time he woke up.

"Rukia…" he murmured quietly to himself, as if just her name might ease his pain. But it didn't work. Her very absence drove Ichigo to madness. Sometimes he forgot about this and would wonder at her silence, jump to his feet and pull open the closet, looking for her. But as always, it was empty.

And that wasn't even the worst thing.

The worst thing was that _it _wouldn't shut up. The maniacal screeching voice inside his head absolutely wouldn't allow him to let go of what happened to Rukia. It was slowly driving Ichigo to a mental breakdown. That evil, haunting sneer kept bugging him and it was seriously going to do him some permanent mental damage.

It had happened before; the Hollow within him that tormented and haunted him. But before he had painfully managed to ignore it and it had all been okay because Rukia was right beside him. Even when it was silent and dark, when Ichigo was lying on his bed trying to sleep, when it started talking, Ichigo could find comfort in knowing that Rukia knew about it and that she was so close. It had been better than being alone against this terrifying inner monster.

But now, with her loss, the Hollow's snickers hurt more and grew more evil. It tormented him more than ever and caused him endless suffering and anguish. The worst thing was that it kept reminding him constantly of what he had done.

Ichigo suddenly tensed with fear and let out a whine-like whimper from under the pillow he was holding over his face. Dammit!! He bit his lip and felt the pain course through his mouth. Of course, this was nothing compared to what the Hollow was about to do to him. Crap!! It was back!!

"_Ichigo!!" _The high-pitched screeching sound made his head hurt. _"Ichigo!! I told you before!! No matter how much you isolate yourself from everyone else, you can't hide from me!!" _

It let out an unsympathetic howl of evil laughter. _"And…" _Its voice sank lower and more taunting. _"… I won't let you run from it!! You can hide from everyone else, but you can't hide from yourself!! And you can't hide from me either!! Wherever you go, I'll come after you!! You can't hide from the truth, Ichigo, and you know it!!" _

"Shut up!!" Ichigo muttered. Slowly, his voice grew louder and more pained. "SHUT UP!! GO AWAY!! LEAVE ME ALONE!! …dammit!!" Ichigo started shivering.

"_It's not going to work, Ichigo!!" _It laughed at him. _"This hiding away in your room won't do anything! And even if you try to let go of what happened that day, I will keep reminding you constantly over and over of what you did, Ichigo! HAHAHAHA!!" _

"No…!!" Ichigo's voice started disappearing. It was hoarse and rough and vanishing inside his throat. "Damn you!! No! No…" his voice faded away so that he just lay there, breathing hard from fear and hiding his face under his pillow. But no matter what he did, he already knew, he couldn't run from the Hollow within.

"_You know it was your fault…"_

Ichigo's throat tightened and he froze. His eyes grew wide and he could barely breathe.

"_You know what you did, Ichigo!!" _

Ichigo's stomach seemed to grow tighter and tighter, winding it up so that he felt like he was going to vomit. His hands started to shake uncontrollably.

"_You know what happened that day__… and you that it was you!!" _The Hollow screeched in a laughing manner. _"It's all your fault, Ichigo!! You know it is!! It's your fault!!" _

Ichigo's widened, traumatized eyes slowly filled with hated tears.

"_You know it yourself!! You were the one!! You killed Rukia!! You killed her, Ichigo Kurosaki!!" _

**End of chapter 1! ****Thanks for reading!! Yeah, that was quite intense, even for me… Imagining Ichigo going through so much emo-ness was really hard for me… I found this a little hard to write because although I've written some really dark plots before, I've never really tackled this subject… Anyway, MWAHAHAHAHA!! It's the return of emichii's inner evil!! (For the first installment of emichii's inner evil, please see ****The Love, Pain and Tears of Uchiha Sasuke) **

**Thanks for reading!! Please review!! **


	2. Endless Nightmare

I don't own Bleach, 'cause it belongs to Kubo-sensei

**I don't own Bleach, 'cause it belongs to Kubo-sensei!! **

**Thankyou so much for reading and for your reviews, everyone!! They make me very happy!! I hope you'll continue to support me and this fic, because it's kinda hard for me to write… man this is overly dark angst, even for me… huhh… **

**Please read and review! From Michii-chan (haha, thanks again for the nickname)**

**Chapter 2: Endless Nightmare **

Ichigo sank back into the depths of himself. He squinted his eyes shut as though bracing himself. He felt the piercing cries of the Hollow inside laughing and flinging him into hysteria.

The Hollow's laughs began to fade away but he knew it would never be far away. And he knew, as he felt the darkness grow and cover him, that it was going to happen again. The one thing he couldn't let go of, the one thing that _it _didn't allow him to forget, that continued to haunt him and replay in his miserable memory.

Ichigo couldn't help letting out a strained and truly heartrending cry as he was flooded, once again with the undying memories of that day.

--

_That day:_

"Goodbye!! See you tomorrow, Kurosaki-kun!! Kuchiki-san!"

Ichigo walked off towards home, hardly looking back and just waving to Orihime. Rukia stayed back a while, politely bowing and wishing Orihime a nice day. She then hurriedly turned and rushed after Ichigo.

"Gee, Ichigo! Wait up, would you?" She said.

Ichigo shrugged as he walked on. Rukia ran a couple of steps to keep pace with him and then shot him a mischievous and knowing smirk. "You should stop treating Orihime like that. At least, say goodbye to her properly!"

He didn't glance at her. "Why should I? And why do you care anyway?"

Rukia rolled her eyes. "Because Orihime's my friend! And because SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!" She said the last part pointedly and frowned at Ichigo.

Ichigo gazed up at the sky and muttered, "Eh? Really?"

Rukia sighed with exasperation. "It's so damn obvious it's staring you in the face, Ichigo!! Hurry up and do something about it!!"

"What?!" Ichigo was furious. "What am I meant to do?? And why do I have to do something??"

Rukia was quiet. She glared at the ground in front of her feet and clutched the bag strap hanging over her shoulder. Neither of them said anything.

Suddenly, a little distance away, a loud bellowing Hollow cry was heard. Both Ichigo and Rukia froze and looked towards where they thought it was coming from. Rukia pulled out her phone and shouted, "Yumizawa Children's Park!! There are six of them!!"

Ichigo nodded. Immediately, he and Rukia used their shinigami representative badge/gikongan and burst out as soul reapers. Without exchanging another word, they rushed to the park.

--

Hitsugaya sat on the roof of the building overlooking the place Karin liked to play soccer with her friends. His phone beeped and he took it out to check it. He frowned as he noticed that Hollows were gathering at the children's park. His frown intensified. More Hollows were coming!!

He jumped up and immediately started to run.

At that moment, Karin froze and shivers began to run up her spine. She bit her lip. This happened whenever Hollows were around Karakura. She threw a glance up at the building nearby just in time to see Hitsugaya dart off. She passed the soccer ball to Donny and said, "I gotta go guys!! There's something urgent!!"

She ran off, leaving her friends to discuss and wonder about how strange Karin was.

--

Ichigo rushed at a Hollow and skillfully slaughtered it in one blow. He watched the bits of white Hollow mask falling and dispersing into the air. Then Rukia yelled, "Ichigo!! Behind you!!"

Ichigo turned and stared in horror as Rukia ran forward and slashed at the Hollow. The Hollow didn't fall; Rukia's blade had missed the vital part of its mask and only managed to deeply gash the Hollow's shoulder.

Rukia landed on her feet in front of the Hollow, frowning at the bad strike she had made. However, the Hollow mask she had hit had indeed been fractured. Slowly, one crack on the mask split and divided into another one and then two more. Cracks appeared on the side of the Hollow's mask and fragments of chipped Hollow mask began to fall.

Rukia didn't notice that this Hollow had some kind of stranger pressure than the others, and the odd smoky wisps that were coming from the cracks in its mask and the cut on its shoulder.

"…" Ichigo was breathless. "Thanks, Rukia. I almost got eaten there…"

Rukia forced a smile. "Yeah, whatever." She turned to face the Hollow and gripped her sword tighter. Ichigo's eyes widened as he suddenly noticed flecks and chips of Hollow mask falling from the Hollow and hitting Rukia. As he heard another Hollow from beside him, he quickly turned away and didn't see the strange smoke gathering together and the fragmented parts of mask joining together and attaching itself to the side of Rukia's head.

Ichigo finished off another Hollow and sighed. Damn, these Hollows seemed to be popping up all the time these days. It was suspicious. His eyes narrowed as he thought of Aizen.

At once, he thought of the strange smoke that mystified him before. He hurriedly turned back to Rukia and was shocked.

Rukia was in the air and swinging her sword straight into the Hollow's already fractured mask. The sword stuck in the mask and wisps of smoke burst from the impact, but the mask would not shatter and the Hollow wouldn't die.

Rukia's eyes were widened and disbelieving. She tightened her grasp on the sword handle as she glared angrily at the nuisance of a Hollow.

Her sandaled foot tapped lightly on the shoulder of the Hollow as she struggled to attack the Hollow again. But she found to her horror that her sword was not coming out, the wisps of smoke and the Hollow seemed to be swallowing Sode no Shirayuki!!

The Hollow gave out a howl and the strange smoke hissed and fizzled as Rukia's sword sunk deeper and deeper. Only now Rukia noticed the pieces of Hollow mask that were still falling from above her and found that it was attaching itself to her. At this moment a piece of mask settled over her eye and she lost her sight for a moment.

She was shocked and placed a hand on her face for a moment and felt the cold hard mask substance sinking into her face. She recoiled in shock and lost her footing, falling hard onto the ground at the Hollow's feet.

"Rukia!!" Ichigo ran towards her and the Hollow but Rukia got to her feet as fast as possible and stood between the Hollow and Ichigo, shouting, "It's all right, Ichigo!!"

But it wasn't all right and it wasn't gonna be all right. Ichigo's voice was lost in his throat suddenly when Rukia was about to straighten up again and the Hollow shot out its arms and wrapped a hand around Rukia's chin.

At the moment of contact between the Hollow and Rukia, the strange smoke exploded again from both the space between Rukia and the Hollow's hand as well as the forming mask on Rukia's face.

Rukia lost her voice as she stared below at the Hollow's growing fingers and they covered her mouth and wound around her throat. To her fear she felt the mask sink in deeper and the Hollow's hand meld into her throat.

Her hand weakened on Sode no Shirayuki's handle. The Hollow was swallowing her up!!

Ichigo stood across from her and with his widened frozen eyes witnessed the horrific scene. He could barely move and felt his sword slipping from his hands.

_Rukia!! Rukia!! _He cried out deep inside his throat yet couldn't find the strength or the ability to yell it out loud. _What's happening?? RUKIA!! _

Rukia's eyes filled with silent tears. Ichigo could only stand and stare, transfixed. At once, a single tear fell from her eyes and Ichigo was shocked into movement. But… it was not the movement he wanted.

Inside the Hollow's voice screeched in Ichigo's soul. He was shocked forward into movement and wielded his sword, darting forward. _Ichigo!! Ichigo!! _The nagging and evil voice threw his already messed up mind into chaos. _What are you standing there for?! GO!! You have to kill her!! _

Ichigo screamed back: _WWWHHHAAAATTTT?? _

_You can see, can't you?? What's happening?? She's being swallowed by the Hollow! She's being turned into a Hollow even as we speak!! You have to kill her, you bloody idiot, Ichigo!!_

Ichigo hated himself for just standing there, unmoving.

Finally, Ichigo's Hollow screamed: _Okay then, Ichigo!! If you're not gonna do anything I won't let you believe what you want!! Let me tell you right now, YOU ARE GOING TO KILL HER. AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT!! Because… truthfully… you couldn't care less about killing her because a Hollow is taking over… you want to kill her because that's what your inner soul wants!! _

Ichigo heard the Hollow laughing out loud in cruelness. He glanced at the Hollow that had captured Rukia and found that the wispy smoke stuff was weaving its way through to air towards him. Suddenly, he coughed loudly and painfully. He stopped coughing and raised his head and gazed painfully ahead of him. His vision was skewed and blurred. He narrowed his eyes and heard his inner Hollow again.

_Kill her!! Kill her, Ichigo!! DO IT!! _

As Ichigo's inner Hollow said that, Ichigo felt this sudden urge to slaughter someone- anyone. He felt all this negative energy building up, starting from inside his chest and bursting out. It was only a second before his true thoughts were clouded over by the Hollow inside.

_Kill her!! Kill Rukia, Ichigo!! You know you want to!! You can feel it, can't you?? The overbearing instinct to run this sword through her pathetic body!! Ichigo… _

Without a flash of emotion on his face and no thinking involved, nor any feeling, Ichigo tightened his grip on his sword, stepped forward and ran the sword straight through Rukia and into the Hollow behind her.

Rukia froze. She choked. Blood built up in her throat and spilled out of her mouth. She looked upwards and saw, or thought she saw that Ichigo's mouth curled upwards in a merciless smirking grin.

Blood splattered down to the ground. Rukia's sword clattered to the ground. The Hollow standing behind her that had been wrapping its hands around her throat began to vanish and disperse into the air.

Ichigo was frozen. He stared at her and slowly, suddenly, he felt the cold tears fill his eyes and run down his cheeks. He could feel the handle of his sword still in his hands, yes, the sword that was sticking through Rukia right now, yes the sword that was killing her… and yes, _his_ sword.

Ichigo let go of the sword suddenly. Rukia fell forward and the Zangetsu slid out cleanly from her stomach, accompanied by gushes of blood. The blood splattered mercilessly over Ichigo's hands and staring at them for a second he felt his heart cry out in pain and despair over what he had just done. Rukia promptly collapsed and automatically, Ichigo reached out and grabbed her.

Ichigo was unable to speak; he just collapsed to his knees with Rukia in his arms and bent over her, suddenly tears running down his face, unable to stop. He then found his voice, but still didn't use it, because his throat was so choked up from those damn tears and that unstopping throbbing pain in his heart that was tearing him into pieces. Emotion and pain exploded throughout him, confusion and trauma, everything exploding and Ichigo fell silent, his tears still dripping from his eyes.

The presence of tears on her face aroused her and she felt pain burn throughout her as she struggled to raise her head and get a focus on Ichigo.

"…Ichigo…" she muttered.

His voice broke out in cries and sobs, muffled and confused. "Rukia!! –I'm- Rukia… how could I have- I'm sorry, Rukia! Sorry… so sorry- I never meant to- Rukia…" his voice sank away, with nothing else to say.

What was he doing? He had just killed her, and all that was coming from his mouth was him trying to apologize?? What??

Rukia stared at him, the mask still present on the side of her face. Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut, thoughts running through his head. _Rukia!! I can't explain it!! Dammit!! Aagh… I'm so sorry… I never meant to do this to you… I love you, Rukia!! I-I… How could I??_

Ichigo bent his head sorrowfully and murmured, "…Rukia… I-I… I love you…"

With that, the tears choked him and he could no longer say anything. Just hold her close and hug her, with tears running down both their faces.

"…really?" Her voice was sarcastic, but only the slightest sentimental.

"ICHI-NII!! RUKIA!!" Karin and Hitsugaya came running down into the morbid scene. But Ichigo neither heard them nor noticed them. He didn't acknowledge them. They came running from around the corner and the first thing they saw was Rukia in Ichigo's arms, blood all over her and what looked like a fragmented mask on the side of her face.

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth as he was interrupted on his way to Rukia and Ichigo by a Hollow. Karin was so focused of her brother and Rukia that she simply ran straight past another Hollow, slashing it with her sword as she ran past.

Ichigo saw that Rukia was beginning to fade away. She seemed to vanish into the air, into the night, as she disappeared. Ichigo clutched her tightly but parts of her were vanishing, just like she was being devoured by the darkness of the night around her.

"Rukia!!" Karin now stood beside Ichigo, Hitsugaya behind her. Her eyes were wide and unbelieving. "What happened to her??"

Hitsugaya could only stand and stare. He spotted the strange fragmented and uncompleted mask on Rukia's vanishing face and frowned intensely, eyes glaring with hatred at it. He swore under his breath and then muttered, "…Aizen. That bastard."

Rukia was gone.

Ichigo stayed there, on his knees on the ground, Zangetsu lying there, stained with blood in front of him. He couldn't cry anymore or even speak. He felt as though he had lost his voice, as well as his tears and his emotions. He felt so empty, so hollow right now and all he could do was stare ahead of him vaguely, still reliving those hated moments.

He thought he heard voices beside him, someone grabbing his shoulders. He thought through blurred eyes he could see their worried faces and their mouths opening wide and calling to him. But he couldn't answer.

"Ichigo!! Ichi-nii!!" Karin was shaking his shoulders in panic with a choked-up voice and tears in her eyes. "What happened, Ichi-nii?? Why did Rukia die?? Tell me!! Ichi-nii!!"

He couldn't move.

Again, her cry of anguish and sorrow.

"Ichi-nii!!"

**End of chapter two!! What did you think?? Personally, I'm worked really hard on this but there's so much I want to show you, but I can't write it well enough, so apologies!! You'll just all have to use your imagination. And yeahh… I know it all doesn't make any sense right now, but it will later on. **

**Anyway, thankyou for reading!! Please review, everybody! **


	3. Desperate Hope

DISCLAIMER TIME

**DISCLAIMER TIME!! I DUN OWN BLEACH!! **

**Nihao and welcome to the third chappie of this crazy angsty fic!! Thanks for all your support and reviews everybody!! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! Read and review!! emichii (or michii-chan. or emii-chan. whichever ya prefer.)**

**Chapter 3: Desperate Hope **

Ichigo had wondered why it hadn't rained. He had pleaded with the darkening sky and the freezing cold weather around him for rain. Lots of it. But no, the world was against him, wasn't it?

He had been there, on the ground, the sky dark and the air cold. Karin and Hitsugaya were of no concern to him; he could hardly acknowledge their presence. Rukia had vanished and almost at once, he found himself crying out loud at the sky and asking it why it wasn't raining like hell right now.

All he got were pathetic drops of rain that splattered to the ground. It was light and cool and hardly anything.

_Why?? _Ichigo wanted to know. _WHY?!_

Bloody hell, he had just killed the person he loved most of all in the world! Dammit, she had just disappeared and now he was in endless torment!! It was meant to be pouring with rain!! It was meant to be roaring with thunder and flashing with lightning and merciless rain pouring without end!! But noo… not even the weather would do him a favor.

The stupid light rainfall drove him madder than he already was. Normally, the weather was meant to reflect the character's inner emotion and turmoil, wasn't it? Then why wasn't it storming like insanity?

He wanted it. He wanted a heavy storm. He wanted rain and hail and thunder and lightning. He wanted a flood.

He wanted rain and water to just flood out from the sky and get rid of his sin. He wanted it to somehow, someway wash away all this- wash away this nightmare that was killing him and free him somehow.

Or maybe, just drown him in his self-hatred and regret.

--

The sky outside was bright and happy-looking, and Ichigo didn't want it. He sat, curled up on his bed, peeking out the window through the gap between his curtains. He glared with hatred at the seemingly beautiful blue sky and let go of the curtains, falling back onto the bed with a soft thump and a sigh.

From outside his locked bedroom he could hear the thumping of footsteps in the hallway, and what sounded like whispers from Yuzu and Karin. Ichigo knew that his sisters and also his father were worried to no ends about him but he was traumatized, okay? He didn't want to handle anything right now. He just… didn't want to talk. He didn't want to tell them anything.

_I'm sorry. _Ichigo heard the footsteps fading away from his door and Yuzu's still worried voice disappearing along with it. _I really am sorry for all this… _

--

Hitsugaya stayed in the Living World often for a shinigami captain, but he still had to move back and forth between the worlds a lot to ensure everything was running smoothly. But this time, while he did have other things to take care of when he went back to the Soul Society, he did also have another objective. It was for Ichigo.

He was suspicious of everything that had happened that week ago. He was suspecting that traitor Aizen and wondering about the strange way Rukia almost got turned into a Hollow and the way she vanished.

The door opened in front of him, and Hitsugaya stepped out. He was back from his visit to Soul Society. He stood still for a moment, recollecting his thoughts, gazing hollowly at Urahara Shoten nearby and barely noticing the bright blue sky ahead of him that he'd normally love so much.

At last, he let out a sigh and left Urahara Shoten for home (Orihime's place). As usual, he walked around the park and past the road where he and Karin often sat on the railing nearby. Hitsugaya walked calmly, but his head was actually so full of thoughts. However, he was still alert enough to pause when he reached the railing and saw Karin sitting there, alone and staring off into the beautiful sky.

She was so quiet and absorbed that he had to say, "Karin." for her to notice him.

"Eh??" She turned. "Oh, Toushirou! You're back!!"

She grinned her hardest at him, something he hadn't seen in a while, but although she was distressed she still smiled her best for him.

"…" he was silent for a moment, and then asked, "How's everything going?"

Karin leant back and raised her head to the sky with a little sigh. "Nothing's really changed, Toushirou… I'm still as worried about Ichi-nii as ever and he's still avoiding Yuzu, Dad and me. Yeah, I'm… really, really troubled!!" She said the last part with a smile, but it wasn't a happy one.

At this, Hitsugaya stepped forward and enveloped the surprised Karin in a hug from behind. Karin stayed still, eyes widened, as she sat there on the railing. Hitsugaya stood behind her, his arms wrapped around her shoulders and hugging her tightly, bowing his head, whispering, "Karin…"

Karin scowled, a blush on her face. "…Toushirou…" she started.

Hitsugaya didn't move. "I thought you were the one who said I shouldn't smile unless I was happy. So you shouldn't grin like that when you're telling me how sad you really are."

Karin was quiet for a second. She knew he was right. She resigned and raised a hand to hold onto Hitsugaya's arm. "Yeah, I know."

Suddenly, as they were both gazing off into the distance Hitsugaya remembered what he was meant to say.

"Oh, that's right!" He said suddenly. "While I was in Soul Society, I went to the Research Faculty at Twelfth Company and investigated the events that happened that day."

Hitsugaya frowned to himself as he thought back on it. Karin turned around to face him with a inquiring look in her eyes.

_Yeah? What'd you find? _She stared at him.

He stared right back and his icy blue-green eyes flashed back a reply.

Karin suddenly jumped to her feet and in the moment, grabbed Hitsugaya's shoulders. "Really?? You mean she could still be alive?!"

"Well, actually, we've already died once, but Rukia might not have been killed that day. Judging by the way she so strangely vanished, and the Hollow mask that appeared on her face, she might still be somewhere, probably either in the space between Soul Society and the Living World, or…" Hitsugaya's voice faded away and hate appeared in his eyes.

Karin stared at him. "What?"

"…in Aizen's world." He said it slowly and apparently calmly, but inside he snarled Aizen's name with hatred.

Karin may have become a shinigami, but she was still under training from both Urahara and sometimes Renji if he was available. She also knew very little about the saga involving the Hyougoku and Aizen. She had heard both words mentioned a little here and there and she knew the great hate Hitsugaya carried towards Aizen. She knew the way he froze up inside and that something had happened between Hinamori and Hitsugaya because of Aizen.

Karin watched the tenth captain with saddened eyes as she thought of Hinamori, Hitsugaya's first love. She found that it hurt her if she thought too much about Hinamori and Hitsugaya so she breathed calmly and said finally, "But, Toushirou, this means that there's still a chance for Rukia, right? If we could just find a way to bring her back, everything will be fine again!!"

Hitsugaya vaguely nodded.

Karin was energized. There was great determination in her eyes as she began to turn towards home. "If we… If we find Ichi-nii and tell him… if we tell him that there's a chance for Rukia, then he'll be okay!! He'll finally snap out of that gloominess and get all fired up again! He'll want to rescue Rukia immediately!! Ichi-nii will be back!!"

Hitsugaya stared at her for a moment, startled by her sudden energy. She was so excited and hopeful again now that she knew there was a way to bring her brother and Rukia back.

"Come on, Toushirou!! We have to go!! We have to tell Ichi-nii!!" She cried as she rushed off ahead of him, down the road.

Hitsugaya gazed after her for a moment, his heart almost throbbing with love for her. He shook himself out of his temporary daze and angrily got rid of any lingering thoughts of Aizen. Then he ran off after her.

--

Ichigo was fed up.

At long last, the locking himself up in his room was getting to him. At last, the darkness, the frustration and the self-hatred had done the damage. At last, Ichigo was fed up of hating himself for what he had done to Rukia, and now had changed to hating himself for sitting around like this.

He knew he didn't want any hope right now. He didn't want to hear anything about Rukia. He didn't even want to remember the way she smiled at him, the way she laughed at him, the way she mocked him or the way she made his heart pound. He didn't want anything to do with Rukia. Just not right now.

He had had the false hope before. And he hated it. He hated maybe suddenly getting all hopeful and excited that she could still be alive somewhere and then realizing what he had done and the hapless reality around him.

While he seemed to be trying to forget Rukia, and erase all of her existence from his mind, he knew he couldn't do it. Besides, it would only be temporary.

It was just for now. Just for now, he would try to face the bright streaming sunlight outside. Just for now, he'd wash away Rukia with the rain he imagined. Just for now, he would give himself a break for all the crap he'd given himself for his sin. Just for now, he'd forget about her and find a way to free himself.

Yeah… for now… while he still had the chance… while he could still control himself without the Hollow stealing away his power, he had to find out a way to get rid of it.

He would stop hiding away in his room for now and learn a way to break away from this Hollow again.

Ichigo didn't want any more painful self-regret right now. He couldn't handle any more desperate hope.

He'd have plenty of time for despairing over Rukia later.

--

Karin and Hitsugaya ran down the street at top speed. Hitsugaya a little less excited, but Karin running her little heart out, hoping so hard that she might be able to bring a bit of spirit back into her older brother.

They threw open the front door into the house and raced up the stairs, their sounds making resounding footsteps onto the floorboards. Karin arrived outside Ichigo's bedroom door first. She paused for a moment in front of the door, hoping that her brother would listen or at least let her in. She knocked on the door but it remained firmly closed with no answer from Ichigo as usual.

With annoyance and great energy, Karin flung up a leg and kicked down Ichigo's door. As Ichigo's door came crashing down to the floor, without even a hint of guilt, Karin rushed inside desperate to talk to Ichigo.

Hitsugaya entered the room quietly unlike Karin. He hated to see Karin get her hopes up and then get disappointed. Karin stood still in the empty room, gazing despairingly at the empty bed and the open window with the curtains billowing in the breeze. The sky outside was still tauntingly clear and blue much to Karin's annoyance.

"Karin…" Hitsugaya said, stepping beside her.

Karin sighed, inwardly punishing herself. She panted heavily, exhausted from the run. "Dammit." She said, hanging her head and staring at the floor beneath her feet. "Dammit! If only I had run a little faster…!"

The open window and the fluttering curtains only made the anguish in the room more unbearable. Hitsugaya could only watch Karin with sad affection as she stood, so exhausted, softly murmuring, "Ichi-nii…"

--

Ichigo had climbed out of his window and was running along the roads of Karakura, the gentle breeze behind him, providing just a tiny bit of relief from the gloom and misery he had suffered in the past days. Yet every time the sun shone down on him and the painfully blue sky stretched in front of him, he only got more desperate and angry.

His heart was racing inside of him, and he matched his footsteps to its frantic beat. Ichigo had to hurry. He didn't want to let _it _take over him any more. He had thought he had defeated it before, but it had only come back to haunt him.

Ichigo felt fear rising up in him as he thought of the Hollow inside. He gritted his teeth as he ran even faster.

He had to see Hiyouri.

**Hm. Well there you have it. Chapter Three- the desperate hope. Desperate also means hopeless, by the way. So it's like Hopeless Hope. What a great oxymoron!! Anyway, to everyone out there, all your awesome readers and regular reviewers of both this work and my other fics, THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR ENDLESS SUPPORT!! Please review and have a great day!! emichii **


	4. The White Moon in the Black Sky

Yo and hello again, everybody

**Yo and hello again, everybody!! Thankyou so much for your awesome reviews!! They always make me smile! Glad you are all enjoying this story!! Well, here you go! Chapter 4! Some more about the strange events will be revealed this chappie! Read and review!! **

**Chapter 4: The White Moon in the Black Night **

The warehouse where the Vizard hung out hadn't changed; it never did. At least, Ichigo told himself as he quietly crept into the darkened building; he could count on this to always remain the same. It was a relief… it made him feel better to know that this place would never change and it was something he could cling to when everything else seemed to be moving too fast for him to catch up.

Ichigo sighed a little as he looked around the place. It was quiet and empty, so he guessed everyone was down below. Ichigo went down the steps to the underground area that seemed like an open barren rocky desert.

"Ehh, Ichigo…!" Shinji Hirako looked up and turned his head to glance at the boy entering the training area.

Ichigo didn't reply, just grumble in reply.

And then, before he could react, Hiyouri sent a flying jump-kick at him, the thong from her foot thwapping into the side of his face, sending him crashing into the dusty ground.

"Dickhead!!" she shouted at him, "Came back for a visit, did ya??"

To her surprise, Ichigo neither angrily shouted back at her or sprung to his feet to fight back.

Hiyouri stood by him uncomfortably for a moment. The other Vizards watched from a distance, also confused. Finally, Hiyouri sighed heartily and snapped, "Okay, Ichigo, what the hell's your problem??"

Ichigo still didn't answer. He lay in the dirt, eyes open but not seeing anything, still trapped in his gloomy little world.

Hiyouri turned to Shinji and called, "Hey, he's not beating the crap out of me or swearing at me! What's wrong with him??"

Oddly enough, Shinji always knew what had happened and what was going on outside, whether in the Living World or involving the Hollows and other spiritual entities. But Shinji figured that although he knew something about the events last week, Ichigo should be able to explain.

Hiyouri frowned as she glared down at the unmoving Ichigo. At long last, Ichigo groaned and pulled himself up into a sitting position. He gazed down at the dirt below him and said, "You don't really need to know. Something happened, that's all…" he muttered.

When Ichigo didn't expand on that, Hiyouri was unsatisfied with his answer.

Shinji sighed lightly and said casually, "You killed her, didn't you? Rukia Kuchiki."

At the mention of her name, Ichigo felt his whole body tighten. His hands and his stomach seemed to grow tight and painful, and his heart seemed to pain. Ichigo said nothing; he just glared with hatred at the ground below him and clenched his hands into fists.

Shinji ran a hand lightly through his yellow hair and faced up towards the sky, still speaking. "And ever since that day, you've sunk into a state of self-hatred and gloom. Not only that, you found yourself in hell, because while you were rotting in your misery, your Hollow found you again."

Ichigo gritted his teeth and clenched his fists harder.

Shinji's unsympathetic voice dug in deeper into Ichigo's soul. He smirked, a sly grin stretching across his face. "That Hollow you trained and fought so hard to suppress and defeat came back, didn't he? His voice is still cutting into your brain, pulling you deeper and deeper into the never-ending pit of darkness. He won't stop laughing at you and tormenting you, so much that you're falling into insanity. Isn't that right…, Ichigo??"

Ichigo found it painful and so difficult to reply. Because he knew that Shinji was right.

He was silent but there was a mumbled grunt that came from Ichigo.

Hiyouri glared at him so intensely there was fire burning in her eyes. Ichigo didn't look at her. He could hear the padding of her feet coming closer and closer to him, and then suddenly, there was the angry yell of her voice.

"Ichigo, you dickhead!!" A kick came digging into Ichigo's face, Hiyouri pushing all her weight on him so that he thudded back once again into the dust.

There was the fiercest frown ever on her face and the Vizard yelled again, "You're such a bloody moron, dickhead!! You mean all that training and fighting we did back then was for nothing?? Are you crawling back here to face me because your inner Hollow came back??"

Ichigo gritted his teeth and slowly felt annoyance and energy building up in him again. He could see Hiyouri's scowling face from his lying-down position on the ground and the thong from her foot was still squashing down on top of his face. Ichigo was surprised. He had been so gloomy and without energy for so long he had forgotten his normally short temper and now he was seething to jump to his feet and swear his bloody head off.

Hiyouri's eyes pierced into Ichigo's stare. She smirked a little as she saw the spirit returning to his eyes. Then she gave Ichigo's face one last painful dig with her foot before she removed it, standing there beside him, arms folded.

Ichigo lay still, stunned at both the little emotion in Hiyouri's eyes and the surge of energy returning to him.

Hiyouri gritted her teeth as she glared down at him. "Ichigo, you're stupid! Did you think that just because you managed to beat him _once, _just 'cause you killed your Hollow that _one time_, just 'cause you got rid of him _once_, you'd be free of him forever??"

The reality and harshness of Hiyouri's words struck him hard.

"Don't you remember what he said to you when you first killed him?? He never agreed to submit to you, did he?? He said that he would always be there, even tho' you might have beat him then!! He was never gonna let you be king or obey your every whim, Ichigo!! He told you himself!! He said that although you killed him once, he would always be waiting!! Waiting for your control to weaken, waiting for your spirit to diminish, waiting for when you would loose your strength and when he could take advantage of your weakness and take over you again!! He had always been there, waiting for the time to come when you might be so traumatized as now so that he could manipulate your wretchedness to his gain!!"

Hiyouri was pumped up with fury and energy herself. Her own hands were clutched in fists and she continued, spitting out the words with anger, "What, Dickhead Ichigo?? Just 'cause we all happen to be _Vizards _we're all right with having Hollows inside us?? Well, you're bloody wrong! Why do you think we're isolated from all the other souls? Why do you think we keep inside this warehouse and train everyday under here?? 'cause, Ichigo, WE HAVE NEVER GOTTEN RID OF THE HOLLOWS INSIDE US!! Every single bloody day, we're down here, fighting our hearts out, fighting our inner Hollows for control!! Neither one of us are willing to back down and let the other one take over!! So over and over, every second, every day, we struggle and fight for our own decisions and our own lives! We Vizards are never free, like you think we can be just 'cause we have beaten the Hollows _once_!!"

Ichigo's eyes were wide and incredulous. He had never seen Hiyouri like this before. He had never really known what the Vizards went through every day. He had never thought that his battle with his inner Hollow would continue for ever.

"But even so, we've never given up!!" Hiyouri yelled. "We keep fighting and pushing on with this fought-for life, with hope, even the _tiniest bit_! We keep struggling with these undefeatable Hollows for the hope of maybe somehow _one day _being able to win!! Hoping that some day we might be _free _from them!!"

Hiyouri's eyes shone with indignation. "Don't you get it, dickhead? This battle is far from over!!"

--

She lay there, resting against some kind of stone wall, eyes closed, mind closed, soul closed off from everything and anything.

Somewhere she thought she heard something. A voice? Slowly, she opened her eyes and stared hollowly in front of her, eyes dull and black and unseeing. Her eyes paused as they gazed blindly. Then her eyelids heavily closed again.

She groaned inside as the voice seemed to call again. Struggling to free herself from the heaviness weighing her down, she opened her eyes again and narrowed her eyes in front off her, trying to get a view on something.

Finally, as her eyes seemed to get some kind of focus, she realized that although she could see now, all she could see was darkness, like the blackest night she had ever seen. She thought there were shadows on the wall in front of her and they flickered slightly in the dim light.

Her whole body was heavy and like lead. She couldn't move. She couldn't speak. Her weary eyes gazed down at her unmoving body and around her. She leaned against the wall, legs stretched straight in front of her, numb and dead. Her arms were beside her, falling down to the stone floor, hands and fingers lying there, inactive and limp. Her head stayed propped up against the wall, her limp, black hair falling over her eyes and messily hanging down to her shoulders.

Then that voice came again. A long voice that dragged out the words in a teasing, smug way.

"I see you've finally woken up… Miss Kuchiki." Aizen smirked.

She slowly felt senses return to her seemingly dead body. Thoughts finally began to buzz once again in her before inactive mind.

_Dead. _The word loomed in her mind. _Dead. I thought I was dead. _

She still didn't know where she was but she knew that the voice before was definitely from the former Fifth Captain, Aizen. As her body slowly seemed to reactivate and waken up, the first thing she felt was cold.

The floor she sat upon was cold, freezing cold. The air around her was still and ice-like, what she breathed seem to build up in her throat as though she was breathing in dry ice. Her before unfeeling and numb fingers felt the cold heavily and soon she found herself shivering, quaking from the undying cold.

Aizen's voice didn't return, but she suspected she heard a faint chuckling from nearby. The laughter was measured but seemed more mocking than anything else.

Rukia slowly breathed out a long painful breath. She slowly, painfully moved her seemingly wooden legs. Shivering, she drew them up to her chest and with frozen arms hugged her knees and struggled to create some warmth.

The darkness around her was killing her, if she wasn't already dead. It was so heavy and horrific that she felt she was buried in an endless black night. She couldn't really do anything, and while thoughts were beginning to come back, her mind was mainly still blank.

_Cold… so cold… it's freezing here… I-I can't stop shaking… _Every where she looked, every second she spent here, it was a taste of death. It was a black… terrifying night. She shivered violently, unable to stop. Her body kept quivering and Rukia hugged herself tighter.

She desperately threw her head upwards towards the supposed sky. Her tired eyes swept over the darkness and then settled on something. Her breath almost stopped. While her shaking never stopped, it slowed down a little and she forced herself to calm down and relax.

Unbelievable. Even here… in this darkest world of black, there was still a moon. She stared at it, and felt the tiniest amount of her worries drift away. Yeah… even now… there was still a white moon in the black night, shining so brightly she practically wanted to turn away.

Rukia's shivering shoulders dropped as she relaxed. She was amidst the darkest possible place, a freezing terrifying area, the blackest night ever. But she could find this white moon in this pitch black sky.

And the fragmented quarter of Hollow mask on her face grew a little as she gazed at the pure white moon in the middle the black night.

**Yeah… no Karin and Hitsugaya in this chappie!! Well, hey, it's an IchiRuki fic! They should be the key players! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!! And all that emotional stuff Hiyouri said about the Vizards… I made it up. I'm really far behind in Bleach and I know nothing about the inner Hollows and the Vizards really so I did what I wanted. It's fanfic, okay?? Forgive me!! But well, I've done this before- creating parts into the story so that it still fits together and works with my fanfic! Soo… just excuse me for all that if you know any true info about the Vizards and inner Hollows, it's just for this fanfic! But ya gotta say, it sounds intense!! Hee hee!! Thanks for reading!! Please review and tell me what you think!! **


	5. The Pain Inside is You

Okey Dokey

**Okey Dokey!! Let's start chapter five!! Let's make it kick arse!! Hurray! Thanks for all your reviews and support, everyone!! Yup, by the way I really like having Hiyouri and Ichigo together! They're so funny because they are both so stubborn and hard-headed and so similar! Hee hee! Anyway, please read and review!! **

**Chapter 5: The Pain Inside is You **

Ichigo had returned to his house, and his room. He found it strange that his door didn't close properly and that it seemed badly attached to the doorframe. Ichigo didn't think too much about it, and instead went straight inside and flopped down on his bed in his usual thinking position.

Suddenly there was thudding on the floor outside his room and Ichigo felt the spiritual pressure belonging to Hitsugaya and his sister, Karin. Ichigo grumbled, not wanting to see or talk to either of them, but because of the bad condition of his bedroom door, the other two shinigami simply barged into his room without asking.

"Ichi-nii!!" Karin's voice was happy and excited. It had been a while since she last saw him, despite them living in the same house, because of Ichigo shutting himself away. She rushed up to his bed and Ichigo grudgingly sat up in his bed and stared at her.

"…Karin…" he started, his blank eyes searching hers.

"Ichi-nii, Ichi-nii!" Karin cried, "Rukia!! She… she might still be alive!!"

Ichigo froze.

Hitsugaya stood silently beside her. Karin continued, "We're really sure about this, Ichi-nii!! Toushirou did some looking around and investigating at Soul Society! Rukia definitely should still be alive!!"

Ichigo's eyes were wide and disbelieving. For a second, something like hope flickered through his eyes and then his eyes grew hard again. Karin didn't notice her brother's cold expression.

"…Hueco Mundo!!" Karin said. It was an unfamiliar to Karin but she was getting used to it. She was still picking up pieces of the Aizen saga from Hitsugaya and Matsumoto. She tried to avoid asking about it directly to Hitsugaya, because it was something from Hitsugaya's past that still troubled him.

Karin suddenly stared Ichigo straight in the eyes and with unmatched determination and energy said, "Ichi-nii!! We have to go rescue Rukia from Hueco Mundo!!"

"No."

"Ehh??" Karin was taken aback.

"No!" Ichigo said again. "I'm not going after her!!"

"…what?" Karin murmured. She had a wonky smile on her face. "What are you talking about, Ichi-nii? I'm not lying!! Rukia is definitely in Hueco Mundo somewhere! She's still alive… you can find her and bring her back! Then you two can be together again-"

"Shut up, Karin!" Ichigo exploded.

Karin froze. Her eyes were wide and shocked.

"Don't you _dare_ talk to me about Rukia again!? I don't want you to mention her name ever again!! I don't wanna hear her name or hear about her at all!! I don't wanna know there's still a chance!! I don't wanna… know!!" Ichigo burst out. He was standing now, fire and anger burning in his eyes and his hands clenched in fists.

"I'm so bloody sick of all this!! I know it was my fault, okay?? I'm never gonna be able to move forward from this and I don't wanna think there's some way I can make this all right again!! I've done it before, okay?? I've stopped and thought for a moment!! I thought that maybe there was a chance!! I _hoped _that there was a chance!! I had this hope!! This… stupid… dumb… _false hope!!_ False hope… is what I don't need right now!! I don't want to maybe make myself feel better even for a second by relying on this brief moment of relief when I know everything won't return to normal!! Please…!!" He stared at Karin and for a moment she was shocked at the sorrow and despair displayed in his eyes. "Don't… Don't tell me there's still a chance!! I don't… want to know about it!! Please…"

Karin stood still, silent for a moment. She lowered her head and stared at the floor. And then her mouth stretched wide into a cynical disbelieving sneer of held-back anger.

"…Ichi-nii… wouldn't have said that." she started slowly. "I know Ichi-nii wouldn't have made any excuses or blown up like that!! He wouldn't have cared about how little chance there was, and he wouldn't give a crap about false hope or the fear of being let down!! He would still have pushed forward and forgot about whatever's in the way or is holding him down!! He would grab on to that tiny little bit of hope- false hope or whatever and not give a damn about what would happen next!! He would rush blindly and charge stupidly at the enemy, clinging onto that tiny piece of hope no matter how small it was!! That's who I believed you were, Ichi-nii!! I respected you because you charged forward for what you wanted and held tightly onto whatever hope you could find and you never gave up!!"

Karin raised her head and glared furiously into her older brother's eyes, piercing any resolve he had before into shreds. "But you… you are not the Ichi-nii I know!!"

Karin's eyes narrowed and what looked like tears shone in them. She grumbled in annoyance and left in a hurry. Hitsugaya immediately perked up, worriedly turning to stare after her.

Ichigo was now standing up beside his bed. He was silent and still.

Hitsugaya turned to go after Karin. But he paused before he left the room. He turned his head to look at Ichigo and said, "Kurosaki. Remember that time you said that if I let anything happen to your sister, you would kill me? …well, think about this. Karin is the girl I love… Kurosaki, if you ever hurt her like that again, then I'll take the responsibility to kill you myself."

Ichigo only just managed to find his voice when Hitsugaya was halfway out his bedroom door.

"…Hitsugaya!"

Hitsugaya didn't turn back; he just said quietly, "It's your choice now, Kurosaki. You know Kuchiki's still out there somewhere and you know what your options are. It's your decision… but for the sake of her and your love, what do you plan to do??"

--

Rukia's teeth chattered loudly as she felt the freezing cold temperatures envelope her. Groaning and finding it sore to move her overly inactive muscles, she pulled herself to her feet and wobbled as she overbalanced on one numb foot. Her muscles creaked and aced as she struggled to stand straight. Once on her feet, she felt a little better.

Her whole body froze as she felt overwhelmingly heavy spirit pressure nearby. She almost lost her footing again and fell as the pressure came closer and closer. Her throat and stomach tightened up and she couldn't move.

Then came the casual voice: "Good to see you're up on your feet, Miss Kuchiki…"

Somehow she managed to find a strangled voice. "…Aizen…" she muttered.

Aizen's stare met hers suddenly and once again her stomach doubled up. Her whole body began shaking and trembling even more violently than before in the cold. Dammit. She hated the smug smirk on his face and the uncaring, manipulative eyes.

Unable to speak, thoughts ran from inside her instead. They were loud thoughts and angry ones, and Aizen could tell what she was thinking.

_What do you want with me?? Why have you brought me here?! _

"Well, isn't that rude… Miss Kuchiki. I did save you from certain death, you know."

Rukia never stopped trembling from the force and pain of Aizen's spiritual energy, in addition to the cold.

"Of course… if you had died, I would be the one to blame." Aizen's smile grew deeper. "Instead, I manipulated this whole thing to bring you here, Miss Kuchiki. You should feel honored to be here in Las Noches."

_Las Noches? In Hueco Mundo? _So she was once again in Aizen's dark world. But before… she had never imagined or remembered it to be so terrifyingly cold and freezing. Her knees shook against each other.

"But there's a reason for your being here…" Aizen's smirk was wide, deep and cruel. "My plan is just beginning, Miss Kuchiki. But it won't take long now, we are well under way. As for your purpose in my game…"

Rukia suddenly froze and her eyes widened with horror. All she could see was the wide smile on Aizen's face. Then she choked out torrents of blood.

The blood splattered onto the cold stone floor and across Aizen's arm, which was reaching into Rukia's stomach. Aizen never stopped smiling.

"Wh-what… are you…??" Rukia was unable to continue as more blood began to spill out of her mouth.

Aizen's hand reached inside her stomach and when it found what if wanted, held onto it.

Rukia froze up. She could barely breathe now, fear and pain choking her with their invisible grip.

"Do you know what I'm holding in my hand right now?" He asked.

Her heart bumped faster and faster. Aizen grinned harder.

Rukia's eyes widened in pain and shock as suddenly Aizen gripped her heart and yanked it out. It took a second for her to explode in pain and suffering. Rukia fell back onto the floor, tears blubbering from her un-seeing eyes and blood bursting out in every direction from the gaping hole in her stomach.

"Don't be stupid. You're not going to die that easily." Aizen told her.

Rukia's heart sat on the palm of his hand, the torn off arteries and tubes falling over his fingers. With his other hand, Aizen pulled out a small object from seemingly nowhere and with incredible speed flung his arm back and then plunged the Hougyoku into Rukia, into the spot where her heart had just been ripped out.

Aizen pulled his arm back out again, blood dripping. Rukia was unmoving, except for the tiny movement in her chest heaving back and forth as she felt the life returning into her body again. She had no idea what kind of state her wrecked-up insides were like right now, but she concentrate on it, focusing more on the horrible killing pain that was slowly killing her right now. Blood spurted out from her mouth again and tears rushed down her cheeks. Blood was all around her, blood, blood, blood. Such a gory and horrific scene.

And this gaping wound in her stomach. She couldn't bare to even glance down at it, only knowing that blood and guts were still spilling out of it, not noticing that her stomach was already healing again.

Rukia was in pain. Dammit. Bloody hell. Pain was a major understatement. She was collapsed on the floor, against the wall, slumped over in an uncomfortable position, her black hair falling all over her face, blood gushing from her mouth and her stomach and tears rushing from her eyes.

She coughed, she sputtered, she cried.

Dammit. Just then… although she was still alive… before, the pain and feeling of seeing and having your heart ripped out… she knew it. Just then… she had felt it. The taste of death.

"You're in great pain right now, aren't you, Miss Kuchiki?" Aizen's voice was still confident and taunting. Rukia was unable to answer.

"But it'll be okay soon." His footsteps echoed on the gray stone floor as he began to leave. "Soon… soon it won't hurt so much anymore. Soon… you won't feel pain ever again. Soon, there'll be neither physical pain nor emotional pain to hurt you. And at that time… you'll become my ultimate weapon… Miss Kuchiki."

The sound of his footsteps grew softer and softer and then faded away. Rukia didn't notice how the blood dripping to the ground was stopping and the wound was already healing up. She also didn't see the strange wispy smoke billowing out from the small mask covering her right eye. The mask was sinking in deeper into Rukia's face and the smoke was floating up from it and from where the wound in her stomach was healing.

She lay there, chest heaving up and down and breathing hard. Her body trembled again as the pain subsided slightly and the heavy coldness beat down on to her weary body.

She squeezed her eyes tight and tried to pull herself together. Her thoughts drifted off to something else.

She blinked away the tears of fear and pain and opened her blue eyes and gazed blindly across the stone floor to the opposite wall that was covered in darkness and shadows.

…_Ichigo… _She thought of the annoyed scowl that was always on his face. She thought of his rude yelling and over-reaction to anything she did.

Rukia forgot her pain for a brief moment and smiled despite herself. It was almost… as though some warmth had come back into her world, just these thoughts of Ichigo, and there was a light within her arms that she could hug to herself. She wanted to… grab onto this warmth and never let go.

But… when the scenes of Ichigo flashed through her mind, and she remembered the way he smiled at her and the funny feeling it gave her, her eyes narrowed and hardened with anger. And then the tears returned, running down her face and hitting the ground with tiny splashes. She bit her lip and realized with surprise that this pain she felt now, accompanied with heavy sorrow, rivaled the pain she had suffered only moments before.

And so the tears fell again, heavier and sadder than ever. Rukia cried bitterly as she thought of him. _Ichigo… _

**End of chapter five!! Well?? Didya like?? Cause I did!! I loved it a helluva lot!! I worked hard on this so I definitely hope you all will enjoy! Review and tell me what you think!! emichii **


	6. Retrieving my Lost Spirit

Yo

**Yo!! Whassup everybody?? Here is chapter six!! **

**By the way, thanks for all the support and reviews, people!! I hope you enjoy this chappie!! Please tell me what you think and review!! **

**Chapter 6: Retrieving my Lost Spirit **

"_It's obvious why your Hollow has taken control again! It specifically told you last time it would wait for you to falter in your strength and take over while you were weak. You're weak right now, Ichigo, because of how Kuchiki's death has affected you. In addition to that, the guilt you shoulder from being the one who killed her and the inability to save her from the Hollow and losing her altogether is driving you to breaking point. You've fallen into a harmful position now…" Shinji's voice was casual and all-knowing as usual. _

"_What do you expect me to do about it??" Ichigo yelled._

"…_what happened between you two to make you so restless about losing her?? Kuchiki is… really important to you, isn't she? Have you thought about the way she vanished so strangely? Ichigo… did you even consider that there might still be a chance for her?" _

"…" _Ichigo frowned and glared down at the dusty ground below him. _

"_Why aren't you running after her right now? Why haven't you done anything to see for sure that she's really gone?? Surely, if you really cared, then you would've done everything to find her-"_

"_SHUT UP!!" Ichigo interrupted Shinji suddenly. Shinji recoiled in shock, staring at him with widened eyes. Hiyouri and the other Vizards also watched in surprise. _

"_Shut up!! …shut up…!' His voice sank into a desperate painful murmur. "I don't want to know!! I don't want… any stupid false hope!! Don't tell me!! Please..!!" _

_Shinji's gaze hardened on Ichigo and then he sighed and turned away. _

--

"Stupid…" Ichigo muttered to himself. "I don't… want to believe that there might still be a chance!! I don't want to… get my hopes up over nothing!! I don't want to think there might be a chance when there actually isn't!! I don't want… this pain to get any deeper any worse!! I…" he sank back deeper into his pillow and shut his eyes. "…Rukia…"

"_It's your choice now, Kurosaki. You know Kuchiki's still out there somewhere and you know what your options are. It's your decision… but for the sake of her and your love, what do you plan to do??" _

And then there was Hitsugaya's voice, quiet and even. It annoyed Ichigo.

_That's who I believed you were, Ichi-nii!! I respected you because you charged forward for what you wanted and held tightly onto whatever hope you could find and you never gave up!! But you… you are not the Ichi-nii I know!!" _

Karin yelling and shouting back at him, so angry and pumped up for what she believed in, the rare glimmer of tears in her eyes. He remembered so clearly the way she angrily turned and rushed away.

Ichigo groaned to himself as he buried his face into his pillow. His hands were clutched into fists. "But… you guys don't get it…"

His voice sank lower and softer. "Actually I… I…"

_I want to go and save Rukia as much as you all do!! But I… _He slowly wrestled his head up and turned to stare emptily at his dark room. The night air was chilly and cold against his skin and he had not noticed the cool temperature so much as till now.

_But its different now… because of what I did… _

_It's been many times. So many times. Rukia, Inoue…I've always gone to rescue them when they were taken away… but Rukia… this time… it hurts!!_

His brown eyes were dim and sad in the darkness. _'cause I know that it was my fault this time, and I'm the only one to blame!! Not only was I unable to protect you, I also was the one who did this to you, Rukia!! I can't… let go of that!! And I… I'm the only one who knows the real truth!! _

_I really… meant it though. I… loved you. It wasn't meant to be like this!!_

_But I… _In the cool darkness Ichigo turned onto his back and lifted one hand. He stared at it. _…with my own hands killed you!! _

_AND YOU WON'T EVER BE ABLE TO FORGET IT, ICHIGO!! _

Ichigo's eyes widened in shock and fear for a second. He growled in his throat angrily at the appearance of his Hollow.

_You were such a right moron, Ichigo!! Seriously!! What the hell were you thinking?? Oops!! I killed you, Rukia!! I guess I need to apologize!! I'm so sorry for killing you, Rukia!! By the way, did I ever mention that I love you?? _

The Hollow's cruel sarcastic voice dug into Ichigo. Ichigo grit his teeth. The Hollow burst into loud raucous laughter. _Hahaha!! What a fool you are, Ichigo!! You fool!! What the heck do you think she was thinking then?? _

"Shut up!!" Ichigo snapped. He was so furious that he actually shocked his Hollow into being silent. Ichigo sat up in his bed and screamed at his inner Hollow: _You know what?? I really don't give a damn what you think anymore!! I know I'm the one who did this to Rukia so I'm the one whose gonna go and make amends for it!! So you can just shut it and leave me alone!! _

Ichigo was fuming with anger but also with energy. He could feel energy and excitement building up in him now, and the determination and spirit he had lost and needed so much before.

"_But even so, we've never given up!! We keep fighting and pushing on with this fought-for life, with hope, even the tiniest bit! We keep struggling with these undefeatable Hollows for the hope of maybe somehow one day being able to win!! Hoping that some day we might be free from them!!" _

Suddenly, he sprang into movement. Words replayed again, the phrases from Shinji and Hitsugaya. From Hiyouri and Karin. The spirit and indignation shining in their eyes and the accusing words darting forward.

_What have you been doing, Ichigo?? _He swore at himself now. _Why have you been sitting still and moping around? Why have you been hiding away in your room?? Why have you been screaming and shouting out excuses at the people who care about you? _

Fuelled suddenly, by an immense energy and spirit, the hope he couldn't find before appeared once again, and he jumped to his feet and threw open his bedroom door, ready for action.

He was disheartened for a split second and then his eyes widened with surprise. He stared down at the two shinigami standing outside his door. Hitsugaya leaning casually against the wall, his Hollow radar phone in one hand. Karin, also in a shihakusho standing there outside his door, having been patiently awaiting her older brother.

He was surprised. They… they hadn't given up on him.

But he had been pathetic. He had been stubborn and stupid and ignorant. He'd been a dickhead, just like Hiyouri had said. He had shouted and yelled at them, he had threatened the trust and respect they had had for him and he had hurt everyone of them. But… even so… they had never given up on him.

He was at a loss for words. He didn't know what to say. Finally, at last, he tried to get across his feelings. He was apologetic. "Karin…" he began to say.

Karin stared up at him with her dark eyes. There was still some trace of the hurt from before but she grinned up at him with fierce determination. "It's all right, Ichi-nii. We knew you'd come through some time."

Ichigo blinked at her in real heartfelt surprise. Karin turned away and Hitsugaya snapped shut his phone. As Hitsugaya ran past her down the stairs, Karin turned her head and called out to Ichigo, "Well, what are you waiting for?? You've wasted enough time! Let's go!!"

He watched Karin rush down the stairs ahead of him and finally replied. "Y-yeah."

--

They burst into Urahara Shoten. The place was painfully familiar to Ichigo, where he always went just like this- in a determined rush. Every time he came here, he was in desperation- to rescue someone, to find help, to get stronger, to learn more.

The store was quiet and empty. Everyone was probably in the training area underneath.

Ichigo managed to crack a knowing smile. Urahara always knew everything. He was always ready.

Ichigo stepped down onto the dusty ground.

"YOU BASTARD, ICHIGO!!"

A force came plowing into him, knocking him back so that he hit the ground with a heavy thud.

He groaned as he pulled himself up and looked at whoever it was that had just dealt him that hard blow. It was Renji.

Renji was standing in front of him, the red-haired shinigami with flashing angry eyes and hands tightened into fists. Even his tattoos looked vicious. Ichigo braced himself as he squeezed his eyes tight. He knew it. It was finally time for the beating up he truly deserved.

From through his squinted eyes he could see Hitsugaya standing to the side with his arms crossed and the permanent scowl on his face. Karin was standing beside the captain, looking off to the side, hands on her hips.

Nearby were Tessai, Ururu and Jinta. Jinta was scowling at Ichigo and Ururu just looked slightly scared. Tessai was still and with an unreadable facial emotion as usual.

Urahara stood closer by, Yoruichi (cat) by his feet. His eyes were unseen under his hat and he clapped his hands together loudly and with a big smile, cheered: "Yeah, Renji, that was a good one! Go for it!! Beat up Mr Kurosaki well and good!!"

Renji stepped up to him firmly and brutally punched him in the face. His fist connected with Ichigo's cheek and Ichigo sputtered out drops of blood. Renji grabbed Ichigo's collar and pulled him up, glaring at him.

They had planned all this, hadn't they? Ichigo's eyes met Renji's firmly. Friggin' hell, he really was pathetic. He'd finally gotten the beating up he deserved.

Renji scowled with contempt at Ichigo's face and with one hand still clutching Ichigo's collar, sent the other hand into a fist straight into Ichigo's face. Then he sent Ichigo flying off into the dust again.

Ichigo spat out dirt as he rolled over and got on his hands and knees. He was panting now, breathing hard and staring at Renji with dulled eyes. Renji opened his mouth and yelled, "Ichigo, you bastard!!"

Ichigo looked up at him, looking so pathetic there on his hands and knees. Renji bellowed loudly and angrily, "What the bloody hell were you thinking?! You killed Rukia, Ichigo!! I've been waiting for so long to finally beat the living crap out of you, but no, you had to go and bloody hide in your room, didn't you?!"

Renji stepped up closer to Ichigo. He bent down and continued on, voice getting lower but still as serious as before. "You know why I'm doing this, right? Because you killed her!! You know Ichigo, I love Rukia, and she-" Renji stopped and froze suddenly. He was stunned and lifted a hand to his mouth with shock.

Jinta snuffed out a laugh with a snort as his shoulders shook with hilarity. Ururu's face turned pink. Karin was still looking off into the distance, feigning ignorance but she was actually feeling kind of embarassed for Renji too.

Urahara pulled out his small fan and waved it over his mouth. He chuckled. "My, my…"

Redness spread across Renji's face. Angrily, he stepped up to Ichigo, who was still on the ground and kicked him hard. "Shut up!!" he snapped.

"I didn't say anything!!" Ichigo retorted as he almost swore with the pain.

Renji breathed deeply, with embarrassment and with fury. He lowered his head and glared down at the dusty ground beneath his feet. "But that's not all, Ichigo. Not only did you have to go and kill Rukia, after that you ran away and hid from everyone and everything. You're such a coward, Ichigo. As soon as I heard that you had locked yourself up in your room I felt like killing you even more than I already did. I was so angry, Ichigo!! I was so pissed!!" Renji's voice grew louder and louder as he described his aggravation. "I really hated you, Ichigo! Because you killed her!! And because after that you chose to run and hide!!"

Ichigo was startled by the sound of Renji drawing his sword. He heard the clean sweep of Renji's blade drawing out of the sheath.

"My anger and sorrow died down though, and you better count yourself lucky because we discovered that Rukia's still alive in Hueco Mundo. And now, what really infuriates me is what you did when you found out there was still a chance!! You withdrew from us even further!! You refused to believe!! You didn't want any hope and you tried to run again!! That is what I definitely can't forgive!!" Renji shouted.

Ichigo's body froze as Renji's sword came slicing down toward him and then embedded in the dirt just millimeters from his arm. Sweat dripped from Ichigo's forehead and he looked away from Renji.

He was right. Ichigo knew. Ichigo bit his lip and cursed at himself, punishing himself severely for what he knew he had done.

Renji placed his hand on the sword handle and leant down on it, glaring down at Ichigo. "You're pathetic, Ichigo!! You know… you know… you couldn't have given up on Rukia even if you wanted to!!"

Renji pulled out his sword and sheathed it. He turned and walked over to Urahara, leaving Ichigo lying there.

--

Hitsugaya, Karin and Ichigo sat impatiently around the table in Urahara Shoten. Urahara chuckled quietly at their impatient faces. He sat down across from Ichigo, whipped out his fan and began tapping it on the table.

"Now, now, don't look at me like that," Urahara said, "I know you all just want me to open the path to Hueco Mundo for you, and I will, but there are some very important issues I need to discuss with you."

At this Ichigo jumped to his feet, banging his hands down on the table, shouting, "I don't want to discuss anything with you, Urahara!! We're in a rush!! I know it's my fault that this has been delayed, but I can't get slowed down anymore!! I'm finally taking responsibility for what I've done!! I need to find Rukia and get her back!! Now!!" He was desperate.

Urahara gazed at him with a curious smile. He opened up his fan and waved it. "Sit down, sit down, Ichigo! The faster we get this done, the faster you can get going!!"

Ichigo scowled and angrily sat.

A long thin smile stretched across Urahara's mouth. The shopkeeper fixed his mesmerizing gaze onto each one of them and said, "Before I let you go, I have to tell you the _conditions of entry. _And if you don't agree to abide with them, then I'm not letting you go."

"Conditions of entry??" Ichigo repeated. "Bullcrap! There weren't any conditions last time!!"

"Just one rule." Urahara smiled. "One absolute rule."

**I was gonna put the rule at the end of this chapter, but I figured it would lose its effect by next week. So… you'll have to wait and find out!! Hee! I seem to love having the main character of my stories get beaten up by someone else as punishment for their pathetic-ness so that they realize what they did wrong and they find the energy to do what is right. Anyway… gotta stop blabbing on!! **

**Thankyou very very much for reading!! Please review!! emichii!! **


	7. Conditions of Entry

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach!! **

**Yo everyone!! How are ya all?? It's HOLIDAYS here!! School holidays!! Yeahh!! Anyway, so extra time for writing and (hopefully) longer and better chappies!! Yep! I hope you enjoy chapter 7!! I've been thinking lots about this fic and believe me, there are going to be some totally kick-arse, intense stories in the future!! Read and review!! **

"Just one rule. One absolute rule."

**Chapter 7: Conditions of Entry**

Urahara's face had a long thin smile stretched across it. However, it vanished as he transfixed a serious gaze on Ichigo.

"You must not kill Aizen."

Ichigo jumped up to his feet again. He was furious. "What?! Why?? He's the bastard that betrayed Soul Society and took Rukia from me!! Why the hell shouldn't I kill him??" Ichigo demanded.

Although Hitsugaya said nothing, his frown intensified and his eyes grew angry.

Urahara changed his gaze from Ichigo to Hitsugaya. "Remember. This is a rescue mission. You're there for nothing else. You're going to bring back Rukia and the Hougyoku and coming straight back. Even if you were to try defeating Aizen, you'd be wasting your time. You're not strong enough to kill him. Don't even bother."

Ichigo's frustration showed clearly as he clenched his hands into fists and grit his teeth. Hitsugaya's eyes sparkled with great anger and hatred.

"Especially for you, Captain Hitsugaya." Urahara said. Hitsugaya looked away from the shopkeeper and fixed his gaze on the table top. Karin, sitting beside him noticed the tension building around him and worriedly began to frown while sneaking a glance at the snowy-haired captain.

"I know how Aizen's betrayal deeply affected you. I know what it did to your beloved childhood friend, Momo. I understand the great pain and hate you feel as well as the grudge and hatred you bear towards him. But I cannot let you fight him, Hitsugaya."

Karin's gaze lowered as she thought of Hinamori. She knew of Hitsugaya's adored childhood friend. She knew about how strongly he felt about this but there were still so many parts of Aizen's betrayal of Soul Society she had yet to piece together.

Hitsugaya never brought up the subject himself. Sometimes, if she was lucky, Karin could get him to reveal just a little more about himself and his past. Although she was probably the closest anyone could get to the cold ice captain, there was still a lot she didn't know. She couldn't bring herself to ask directly about the former Fifth Captain Aizen and about the betrayal.

When she talked to Renji or Matsumoto, they never talked about it either. When she was in Soul Society before, no-one mentioned it ever. If she ever heard snatches of it in conversations, they were whispered and hurried.

_But Toushirou… _She glanced at him silently. She felt pain because she couldn't take the place of what Hinamori had meant to him. She wanted to be able to take his pain, this hurt that still clung to him away, but she couldn't.

…so what if Hitsugaya had told her he loved her? Karin felt useless about what she could do to help her best friend, and the guy she loved. After all, Hinamori was still his first love, the pain of betrayal was still aching in his heart and all Karin could ever do was watch him hide his suffering.

Hitsugaya and Ichigo were silent. Urahara spoke, "Until you agree to this rule, I can't let you guys go."

Ichigo grumbled. He wanted Rukia back most of all but there was this huge yearning, this huge insatiable hunger growing inside him for revenge. Aizen!! He growled even at the mention of his name. He wanted to slaughter that bastard Aizen for everything he had done. Yet…

The anger and darkness of his eyes lost its intensity as he thought again. Even now… Rukia was still the most important. Ichigo couldn't let Aizen go. He would still go after him and kill him, but that could wait, as long as he had Rukia back. Rukia was the most precious.

"…all right." Ichigo muttered grudgingly. He rose slowly from the table and went out to the underground training area to wait for the others, leaving Hitsugaya, Karin and Urahara inside.

Urahara eyed Hitsugaya solemnly. "Your feelings and anger towards Aizen is great. But emotion although it can give someone a sudden burst of energy and strength; it ultimately pulls them down and weakens them."

Karin would have to agree. That was what she thought. Emotion was her greatest enemy, she believed any emotion was weakness and she did her best to sweep away but perhaps it was because of that it became her zanpakuto's most powerful attack.

"When one gets angry or has so much negative feeling, they might feel something like invincible strength inside, and crazy amounts of energy. In actual fact, when they throw themselves at the enemy, thinking that they're stronger with their chaotic emotions; they are only being reckless, although there is more energy and strength unleashed at that moment. They're just letting themselves lose control and go insane with their anger and hate."

Hitsugaya wasn't looking at Urahara.

"It's dangerous for you to go attack Aizen with so much anger and hateful emotion. It will only drag you down and make it difficult. So, Captain Hitsugaya… please… don't try to fight Aizen."

Hitsugaya still didn't look at either Urahara or Karin. From outside they could hear Ichigo yelling and complaining for them to get a move on. As they got to their feet and made their way outside, Hitsugaya murmured, "Okay."

Urahara smiled goofily with relief, but his sharp eyes caught Hitsugaya's still stone cold expression.

_Sorry… Urahara… but I can't guarantee it. _

Karin caught Urahara's gaze as she passed. Her dark eyes were a little sad but determined as usual. She gave Urahara a typical smirk-like grin and said with a casual shrug, "It's all right! I'll make sure he doesn't fight Aizen!! I… I'll do anything in my power to stop Toushirou."

As Urahara began to open up the tunnel, his favourite hat tipped over his eyes. The shadows fell suspiciously over his eyes as he replied simply and cheerfully, "That's good, Karin! Everything will be fine then!!"

_Sorry… but I don't think you'll be able to help him… Karin._

--

Ichigo was the expert here. He was the only one who had been to Hueco Mundo before, so he knew about the Garganium and how to get through.

Hitsugaya, who had been thinking about Aizen, finally shook his head and snapped out of his daze. He blinked a couple of times and finally realized that he was standing outside the gate to Hueco Mundo, the place where Aizen ruled.

A tremor and shiver of anticipation crept down his back. Suddenly he remembered Karin standing beside him, frowing and fiddling with the sleeves of her shihakusho. Immediately he burst out, "Karin!! You're not coming with us, are you?!"

Karin had a sheepish look on her face. "Uhh, actually…"

Ichigo froze before he was about to step into the tunnel. He whirled around and cried, "Oh crap, Karin!! I forgot!! You shouldn't be coming with us! You're… going to get killed!! There's no way you can hold out against the level of Hollows in there!!"

Karin muttered, "Yeah, I know I'm weak but I'm not letting you guys go without me!!"

Hitsugaya and Ichigo stared at her blankly.

"Besides, Ichi-nii, while you were sitting around and moping and whining in your bedroom," her voice picked up an accusing and insulting tone, "I wasn't lazing around!! I was training like crazy with Urahara, Renji and even Jinta!! I've been working hard all the time, _unlike you!!_" The accusing voice worked on Ichigo. He began to feel uncomfortable.

But Hitsugaya didn't waver in his resolution. "No way, Karin. I can't… let you come with us. I know you never give up and you're getting stronger all the time, but I… can't take that risk. There are… Adjuchas and Gillian in there, and even more powerful Hollows than them. I don't want to even take the chance that you could get hurt." He regarded her with his icy blue-green eyes.

Karin stared back fiercely. "Even so, I'm going with you!!"

_Please don't. _His eyes were pleading.

_I know my zanpakuto has barely any abilities, and that I'll probably only drag you guys down, but I know what I have to do, Toushirou. _Karin's eyes pierced through Hitsugaya's, which shocked him. _I know you, Toushirou. I need to be there to hold you back when you try to fight Aizen. _

He was speechless. His eyes wavered as his resolve faltered. _…Karin… _

Finally, she cracked a smile. _See, I told you I knew you! I knew you wouldn't be able to keep Urahara's one rule even if you tried!! _

Hitsugaya's initial surprise vanished. He sighed lightly as he hung his head, giving up. _Yeah. You're right._

Finally, Ichigo lost his patience. "Stop staring at each other, you two!! Not everyone can read each other's thoughts like you guys!! It's so bloody annoying!!" He flashed a glare in Hitsugaya's direction. "And you, Toushirou!! I warned you about my sister before!! You do anything to her and I'll-"

"It's Captain Hitsugaya to you, Kurosaki." Hitsugaya said calmly, although irritation built up in his forehead.

"I'll call you whatever I like, damn you!! I still don't trust you one bit with Karin and you know it!! I want to know what you just talked to her about through your eyes or whatever!!" Ichigo shouted.

"It's none of your business." Hitsugaya replied curtly, sweating a little, thinking about Aizen and Urahara's absolute rule.

Suddenly, they both looked over at the Garganium tunnel to Hueco Mundo. Karin had just ran into it, right past their unsuspecting noses.

Ichigo shouted, "AARGH!! Come back!! Karin, do you even know how to make a path out of spirit particles?!"

"Karin, don't run off without me!" Hitsugaya called out as he dashed inside after her. "You could get hurt!! Wait up!!"

As they all ran in and disappeared into the darkness, the opening closed up so that it was now nothing more than a dry rocky platform, like the rest of the scenery under Urahara Shoten.

"Bye bye!! Have fun!!" Urahara waved his fan. He chuckled lightly as he commented, "Those three will definitely enjoy themselves, with the way they get along!!"

Yoruichi (cat), sitting next to him wearily rested her head against Urahara's feet.

"Eh, Kisuke," she murmured to the shopkeeper with the cunning smirk on his face. "You know it's not going to be all fun and games."

**I'm done!! Hurrayy!! That was chapter seven!! Did you like?? I'm excited now!! What a great opening to the Hueco Mundo story!! I hope you will all tune in next week and see what happens next!! Review please!! emichii. **


	8. Invisible Puppet Strings

Disclaimer: Dun dun dun dun

**Disclaimer: Dun dun dun dun!! I don't own Bleach. Too bad so sad!! **

**So everyone, welcome the chapter eight of ****That Unmendable Hole in my Heart****, have you all been enjoying it so far? Here begins my little Hueco Mundo arc, and now before anyone asks, I'll tell you about my timeline. Okey dokies, in the prequel, it was obviously after episode 132 and around the time of finding out about the arrancar. But in all my fanfic, I throw it in somewhere in the timeline or around the timeline of the actual anime, so there are always references, but no exact times or events. So here Ichigo and Rukia and Renji and them have already been to Hueco Mundo before to rescue Orihime, okay?? The defeated espada are still defeated, but Aizen is alive and as evil as ever, as is his posse of faithful followers. **

**Okay then. Onward chapter eight!! **

**Chapter 8: Invisible Puppet Strings **

Making a path out of spiritual particles wasn't very fun, according to Karin. She didn't have too much trouble with it, but seeing Hitsugaya's perfect little path made her mouth twitch and irritated her. Ichigo, who sucked at controlling spiritual pressure, ran on his wonky path, but it had improved a lot from the last time he had been there.

Eventually they arrived in the actual Hueco Mundo place, which was a dark, desolate desert. Ichigo landed on the sand and reached back to touch his sword, as if to reassure himself that it was there. Karin walked beside her older brother, unable to stop looking around and gazing at the scenery. Hitsugaya really didn't give a damn about where he was or what was around him. Right now, as soon as he had stepped down onto the desert-like place, his heart began pounding crazily; there was only one thing on his mind now and it was Aizen.

Hitsugaya was normally quiet, but his silence made Karin wary. She kept walking and looking around at the dark landscape, but she worried about him.

Ichigo sweat-dropped as he saw the familiar white building stretching out in front of him. It was Las Noches.

The last time they had come here, Ichigo and his friends had trouble getting to Las Noches, because they kept running and running and could never get anywhere. But for some reason, this time, they were just in front of Hueco Mundo, and Ichigo could say he was relieved, because this way he could get to Rukia a lot faster.

Ichigo frowned. He wanted so much to focus on saving Rukia and defeating Grimmjow again if he were to meet him but he was so worried about Karin. How could Karin possibly handle the Espada and their Fraccion? They had been lucky not falling into the Hollow forest under the sand but would Karin even have been able to defeat those Gillian and Adjuchas?

To their surprise, the doors of Las Noches opened right before them, as though they were welcome visitors. Ichigo was immediately on his guard, and the strange haunting smells and spiritual pressure from the building making him feel a little sick inside. He glanced quickly at Karin, noticing the way she tensed up and froze at the presence of the strange pressure.

Immediately, he turned to Hitsugaya and started, "Hitsugaya-"

"I won't take my eyes off her for a second." Hitsugaya readily replied, before Ichigo had finished speaking, without looking at him and staring straight ahead. Although it was dark inside the building, and they could hardly see anything, Hitsugaya felt Aizen's presence so heavily he held his breath. Aizen… He was definitely here somewhere. Immediately, Hitsugaya's hands tightened into fists and he glared out into the infinite darkness ahead of him.

Karin felt the pressure in the castle creep up her skin, shivering. It was a heavy spiritual pressure, but she could handle it. Still, she knew she was the weakest here. But… _Hoshi Matsuri… _while her zanpakuto was not with her in sword form right now, she could feel its presence so clearly inside her, and it made her feel better. Like the first time she had met Hoshi Matsuri, she remembered asking if she could borrow her strength, and telling her that she wanted to be just like Ichi-nii and Toushirou, because they were both strong and courageous and not afraid of anything.

And now, she was here, in Hueco Mundo, right outside Las Noches, on a mission to rescue Rukia, along with the two people she admired most in the world. Sure, she was weak but she would learn. She wasn't afraid of a little pain right now, and she knew it would be difficult. But… she was gonna keep going without looking back, getting stronger every step of the way. And… if Hitsugaya was so ready to protect her then it was up to her to stop him from fighting Aizen.

Hoshi Matsuri was worried, and Karin could feel it. But, Karin knew she had to do it. She swallowed her fear and glared out fiercely into the darkness and took the first step inside. _This spiritual_ _pressure is not too strong but it still bothers me. But there will be much more intense pressure later on… so I better get used to it!! _

Hitsugaya was right behind her, the expression on his face so cold and serious it shocked Ichigo. Ichigo also narrowed his eyes as he entered the building, feeling sure that Rukia and Aizen were somewhere within this castle.

He was slightly bothered by the way the doors had so eerily opened right before them, but he tried not to think too much about it. Yet as he, Karin and Hitsugaya went deeper inside the building, all he could think about was that someone had definitely been expecting them.

--

Aizen was sitting casually at the table where he normally gathered his Espada, but today he was the only one sitting there. He was leaning his head on one hand, feigning boredom. He could feel a different pressure entering his castle, but all he did was smile cunningly. He recognized both Ichigo and Hitsugaya's spiritual pressure but there was a third one with them that he didn't know. It felt similar to Ichigo's but it was the weakest of them all, though he sensed it could have great potential.

He wasn't worried. He had been waiting for this time for so long!! Finally! He knew Hitsugaya so well, he knew that there would be an explosive battle between them soon; Hitsugaya's thirst for revenge would be so great, and Aizen would definitely enjoy it.

He was curious about the unknown spiritual pressure but not worried about it. Whoever it was, they'd be taken care of.

Aizen's smirk grew deeper as the pressure in the room stirred and there was the soft sound of someone's footsteps nearby.

"Aizen…" the voice came from the corner of the room, the person half-hidden in the darkness.

"Yes, I know. They've come for you… Miss Kuchiki."

--

Stark, the Espada who was normally always sleeping suddenly opened his eyes. It surprised his Fraccion, who rushed to him.

Lilinette asked, "What is it??"

Stark's eyes became weary and his droopy eyelids fell over his eyes again. He murmured with his slight smile, "It seems we have some visitors…"

--

There was a thoughtful silence in the room. Rukia leaned against the stone wall, her shihakusho was frayed and torn around the edges and sleeves and a segment of the Hollow mask covering one eye, much like an eye-patch. She said nothing.

"You remember what I told you before? Soon you won't feel anything anymore, no pain of any sort. Then… you'll become my ultimate weapon. My little… experiment hasn't been completed yet but it is going just the way I planned. Your powers are steadily growing and the Hougyoku has flourished being back in its original vessel. It won't be long now, Kuchiki, soon, we can finally begin testing. There's a reason those friends of yours are here in this building. Very soon, we can see the results of this." Aizen said.

Rukia lowered her head and closed her eyes as she thought. Yeah… she could feel him. Ichigo!! And then… there was also Hitsugaya and… Karin?! What the hell was she doing here?? Rukia immediately raised her head and her eyes widened in shock and worry. Why Karin? Why would she come here? She would get killed!!

Aizen saw Rukia's emotion and smiled deeper. "Ah, it's almost time Miss Kuchiki. You'll be able to show your beloved Ichigo your powers. He's lucky. He'll be the first one to see your abilities now. Think of it as a small present for him before he dies… by your hands!!"

Rukia froze. No. No!! She could not do it!! But she couldn't hide under the pretence that she was recovering from the beating up she had received last time, as that had all healed in no time at all. She couldn't pretend that these powers Aizen was developing in her were still uncompleted, because she could feel this overwhelming pressure inside herself and continually shocked herself whenever she accidentally used it.

"Don't even think about disobeying me, Miss Kuchiki. You know what I have here with me." Aizen's hand slipped into his pocket and Rukia froze. Aizen pulled out something. Rukia almost vomited.

"You might be surviving and living by the power of Hougyoku inside you right now, but your survival ultimately depends on me. Don't you dare forget that I have _your heart_ sitting here in my hands. It's a lot like a remote control, don't you think? There are like invisible puppet strings here, between you and me… I can make you do anything I want. So… if I were to tell you to kill Ichigo, you'd have to do it."

Rukia felt sweat building up on her forehead. She could almost feel the pain before it happened. Still… inside, she resisted.

"_I_ _already told you,_ Miss Kuchiki! It's futile to resist." Aizen had a big cruel smile on his face. "You know what happens. Puppet strings are so handy." And with that he gave the bloody object in his hand a hard squeeze.

Immediately, Rukia fell to the floor with a huge thud. Her eyes were widened with fear and pain etched deep into them. Her whole body shook and she felt like throwing up. This horrible wrenching pain bit deep into her body and spread out into every vein and artery. No… it was back. This terrifying feeling inside. No!! Not again. She couldn't handle it. Tears began seeping out of her frozen blue eyes. This. The taste of death she had experienced before. The wounds she had before which had healed seemed worse than ever. The bruises and scars and cuts were back, it seemed. And she felt a tiny stream of blood trickle from her mouth.

Aizen smiled, his cruel eyes resting on her shivering form. He stood from his chair and turned away. "It won't be long now. Soon, Miss Kuchiki. Kill Ichigo Kurosaki."

Rukia's eyes were teary and blinded for a second. She felt Aizen's footsteps vibrate on the floor and then heard his final words. "And don't forget, Miss Kuchiki. Remember those invisible puppet strings between us."

--

Ulquiorra Schiffer stood outside the room, hands in his pockets as usual. His solemn green eyes could see the form of Rukia lying on the ground, blood specks sprayed across the floor, the tears sliding down her face, her whole body wrecked with pain and feeling this immense pain and hurt inside, as well as the insatiable coldness spreading inside. She shivered, she shook, she couldn't stop. It was so cold inside her, freezing… so cold… she couldn't feel anything anymore.

Ulquiorra's eyes flickered upwards when Aizen came outside. Ulquiorra said nothing but Aizen could tell exactly what he was thinking.

"There's nothing to worry about, Ulquiorra," he told his faithful Espada. "She'll do whatever I say, because of these puppet strings. Besides, if the experiment fails, we can simply destroy her and start all over again."

Aizen walked off down into a hallway and casting one last gaze at Rukia lying there, Ulquiorra followed his leader.

His green eyes were cold and unfeeling as always. _I wonder what this is I'm feeling? Some kind of obnoxious mocking pity for her… nothing but an experiment and a puppet… _

**To be continued!! Hee hee!! By the way, there'll be more Espada appearing soon!! Hurray!! There'll also be more information on stuff that's happened to Rukia, as well as the animosity the Espada bear towards her. It could get terribly sad later on, but get used to it! This is after all, the horrible angsty inner evil of emichii!! MWAHAHAHAHA! Well then, read and review!! **

**PS. Look, Sebbo, it's your favourite Ulquiorra!! **


	9. Thirst for Revenge

How are ya all

**How are ya all?? Have you been enjoying the fic?? Here's chapter 9!! Ooh, we'll be onto double-digit numbers soon!! Woohoo!! By the way, I know Nnoitra got killed by Kenpachi but let's pretend he's still alive and kicking!! I need him! Anyway, be prepared for some explosive battles later on!! Yippee! I love fight scenes! Still… my swordfights need a lot more work before they get as good as my hand-to-hand combat scenes. Sigh… read and review!! **

**Chapter 9: Thirst for Revenge **

Grimmjow had been lying down on his back, in one of the rooms of Las Noches, his hands resting under his blue-haired head, lazing around when he felt _it_. His eyes widened suddenly as he wondered whether it could be true. Then they narrowed as his mouth widened into a sneering grin.

_Yes… It's him! He's back!! _

He frowned a bit as he felt the unrecognizable pressure that was so similar to the one he first felt, but a lot weaker. He didn't know who it was but he knew he wanted to be the first one to find out. Grimmjow sat up and casually ran a hand from his blue hair, yawning. He grinned as he got to his feet and shoved his hands into his pockets, raising his head to laugh at the ceiling above him.

_There's no doubt about it!! It's definitely him!! Ichigo!! _

He began heading out of the room and down the corridor when he tried focusing more on the unfamiliar pressure. He wanted to be the first Espada out there challenging this new one. For some reason, his shoulders relaxed and he chuckled loudly to himself again. Finally!! Things in this boring dump were getting interesting!!

--

For some reason, Karin felt an incredibly scary spiritual pressure creeping up her back and she tensed up. Forcing herself to carry on and put on a brave face, somewhere inside her she began to feel nervous. Yep. Someone was bound to discover her.

Hitsugaya hadn't said a word since they walked inside the building. Suddenly, he turned to Karin and said, "Don't even think about going off alone. You better stay close to me at all times, okay?"

"Yeah…" Karin replied, but she hated herself for being so weak compared to the others. Still, she was here to rescue Rukia, and for one other thing. Another thing she believed to be very important. She had to be there to hold Hitsugaya back.

Suddenly, she saw her brother Ichigo turning away in a different direction to her. She looked over at him questioningly.

Ichigo's gaze deepened at the end of another corridor and he told them quietly, "You guys go that way. I… I'll go this way alone." He felt his heart beating harder and faster inside him. _Because… I can feel her… Rukia!! _

With that, Ichigo didn't look back at either of them. His eyes grew determined and he ran off into the darkness. Hitsugaya didn't give him a second glance. His green/blue eyes were also determined and focused, but because he could feel Aizen's spiritual pressure more than ever. Karin looked at the both of them and felt her heart sink. She bit her lip and struggled to find some courage inside her. But she… she could feel it more than ever… this strange… sinking… drowning strong pressure enveloping her, making her feel so sick inside. She normally felt this way whenever there were Hollows around, but this was much worse. After all, she was here in Las Noches.

"Hurry up, Karin." his voice was cold and Karin's frown deepened. She quickly picked up the pace and jogged beside Hitsugaya.

She… was despairing now. Hitsugaya had changed. He had closed himself off again. He didn't want to talk or let Karin know his thoughts and feelings anymore. His eyes were colder than ever, his thoughts focused on revenge, hatred and anger of Aizen. She sighed silently to herself. Hitsugaya was also disappearing. Just like how her Ichi-nii had vanished down into the darkness at the end of the corridor, although Hitsugaya was right in front of her, she felt like she was losing him.

She was the closest person to Hitsugaya. She knew that. But… there was still much to be learnt about him. And she… cared and worried about him. _Toushirou… I'm sorry for being so weak and not being able to do anything useful… but… please!! Please don't shut yourself off from me!! Please don't let these feelings of revenge take over you!! I… _she raised her head to look at the snowy-haired shinigami in front of her. _I really… care about you._

Hitsugaya kept his fierce stare forward as he walked resolutely ahead of her, so he didn't see the sentiment in her eyes and the shade of pink that was bursting out on her face.

--

Nnoitra Jiruga's facial expression changed obviously as she came into the room.

The fifth Espada's narrow eyes followed the black-haired soul reaper as she quietly stood at the doorway, leaning against the stone wall, waiting for Aizen's presence. Nnoitra gritted his teeth with hatred.

They were in the room with the long table where the Espada gathered. The Espada were all there, seated in their designated spots, but the tall chair at the head of the table remained empty.

Although Rukia had entered silently, the Espada immediately turned and watched her. Rukia didn't look at any of the Espada, simply gazing down at the floor. Suddenly, there was the sound of a chair scraping across the floor and Nnoitra stood up and sauntered over to Rukia.

Rukia tried not to look at the obnoxious Espada as he began to speak. "There is no place for you here."

Rukia said nothing. As if she didn't know that.

"You don't belong anywhere here, you got that, woman?? Especially not here with the Espada!! We're the elite here in Hueco Mundo; I don't know why the heck Aizen made such a fuss about you!! Don't expect to be welcomed warmly here or anywhere else!! There is no-one here who accepts you!!"

She already knew this.

Nnoitra was in a bad mood, he despised women, he despised shinigami, and he despised people who tried to get to the top without any strength at all. He despised Rukia, because what the hell did she have that made her so special?? Not that there was anything special about her, she may have powers developing in her right now but here she was still treated lower than a prisoner.

"I'm sure you've already noticed, haven't you, you wench??" Nnoitra's eyes narrowed as he bent his head lower towards Rukia. "There's no special welcoming party for you, nobody here to give you special treatment… You get it, now?? Everyone here in Hueco Mundo, even the Adjuchas and the bloody Gillian think nothing of you! You're alone!! The Espada hate you and murmur about you all the time, and Aizen is only using you as an experiment! You better remember it and remember your place!! Oh wait… that's right. You don't _have_ a place! How… pathetic. You're all by yourself…"

His strange-looking teeth fit together and grinned cruelly. "Here in this painfully freezing cold world… with nobody here who thinks anything more of you either than as an _experiment _or a _waste of space_. In Las Noches, where everywhere you turn is another place you don't belong and you're unwanted… where the Espada and Hollow everywhere, even those of pitifully low rank hate you and don't accept you. There is nowhere here for you, _Rukia_."

Rukia's blue eyes never left the stone cold floor beneath her feet. She still said nothing, though her mind churned away.

Nnoitra growled. "Look at me when I'm talking, dammit!!" He shot out a hand and grabbed her wrist, jerking her roughly so that Rukia was forced to turn her head towards him.

"Let go of me." Rukia spoke the words slowly and with calm fierceness. Nnoitra glared at her, curious, opening his mouth to lecture her, but she repeated it again, louder, with extremely concentrated spiritual pressure pouring out from her, "LET GO OF ME."

There wasn't even time for Nnoitra to remove his hand when there was a rumbling sound that seemed to float throughout the air. He only managed to catch a second of the expression in Rukia's eyes and it was so cold and bitter that he lost his breath. The spiritual pressure was familiar, definitely Rukia's, but also different. It was definitely boosted and crazily concentrated, so strong and intense that the other Espada in the room froze for a second. The pressure swept through the room, like a killer wave crashing down onto a beach, like water flooding throughout the building, it seemed to swallow and drown Nnoitra.

His whole body froze and then began to shake, only very slightly, hardly noticeable at all, but he felt it, and his hatred for that wretched Rukia grew even more. Nnoitra's vice-like grip on Rukia's wrist gave out and collapsed. He fell back from Rukia, but not to the ground, just stepped out on a foot and haggardly leant over, head bowed and chest heaving.

"You don't have to tell me." she spoke quietly but definitely. "I already know. I don't belong, either here with the Espada; in Las Noches; with the Adjuchas and the Gillian; with any other Hollow; or anywhere in Hueco Mundo. And I also know there's nowhere else for me either. I no longer belong in Soul Society or with other soul reapers and shinigami. I don't fit in with the Living World and the humans there, I never did."

Nnoitra raised his head and shot a most poisonous look at the girl in the tattered shihakusho with the segment of Hollow mask over one eye.

Rukia neither looked at him nor at any of the other Espada in the room. Her eyes were settled somewhere towards the side of the room, one of the places hidden in darkness.

"And I also know that I'm nothing but an experiment. A little puppet that Aizen plays around with, something that could have great potential, but also expendable to him. If whatever this Hougyoku is doing to me right now succeeds then he'll have fulfilled his goal. If it fails, then I mean nothing at all. I'm nonessential, dispensable, he can just destroy me."

It was almost chilling how she could say all that with little emotion behind her words but the most attentive of the Espada picked up the tiny sarcasm and pessimism that hid there.

"You were a fool if you thought I wasn't aware of all this." A side of Rukia's mouth twitched upward slightly in a little smirk. "I know how you all hate me and murmur about me all the time. I know that I don't belong. I know that I'm alone, stuck here in this freezing cold world." Suddenly, she turned and shocked Nnoitra with fierce blue eyes that drilled deep inside him. "I know all this so don't you dare mention it again to me!!"

'_Cause next time it will be much worse. _

Only Nnoitra could see the silent threat. He gritted his teeth and glared furiously at Rukia. Rukia casually lifted her gaze from him and leant back against the wall again.

Nnoitra bit back on a smart comeback. His frown was deep as he clenched his fists and straightened up. But he had felt it and it was frightening. That spiritual pressure before? That was intense, sure, but nothing threatening. The thing that made him miss a breath was this chill that stayed in his bones even now after she looked away.

Hueco Mundo had always been cold, but this was absurd. This creepy coldness… this icy feeling, freezing bitterness that bound itself around him and grasped him so that it just about choked him. Nnoitra struggled to bounce back from this little slip.

So what?

So what if she had drowned him with heavy intensely concentrated spiritual pressure? He'd experienced worse.

So what if she'd smart-mouthed him, replied with the kind of pride Nnoitra hated to see in wenches her? He could do a lot worse.

So what if she'd fixed a fierce gaze at him and made him out a fool in front of the Espada?

He wouldn't be shocked by that again.

But this… bitter coldness eating deep into him. Unbearable… painful… numbing… freezing cold that seemed to creep up his back and seep into his bones. Something he'd never felt before.

He snuck a glance at Rukia and sneered with mirth. No doubt this was the kind of frightening icy pain she carried around and was tortured with over and over. He could handle this unfamiliar pain, no problem. He was an Espada after all. But no matter how strong Aizen planned to make her, he knew it'd be her downfall soon.

It was just a scratch. This stinging freezing numbness settling inside him was nothing to Nnoitra. He'd recover no problem.

He glowered at her with a confident cruel smile on his face.

So what if she'd made him experience this insatiable cold? He'd have his revenge.

--

There was an Espada missing out on the interesting show in the meeting room. His name was Grimmjow.

He had tracked down the 'visitors' into Hueco Mundo, or at least two of them. He was definitely going after Ichigo, but he was going to warm up his combat skills first. He wanted to test them out on the new shinigami that had broken in, someone he'd never seen before, but with a similar great pressure to Ichigo's. And that shinigami was standing just a couple of meters away from him.

--

Hitsugaya was still. Karin was confused. This look of hatred and thirst for revenge suddenly crossed Hitsugaya's cold blue-green eyes and he sped forward into the darkness of the hallway.

Karin was stunned. Hitsugaya wouldn't say anything to her, and now he was just darting off. She picked up the pace and jogged to keep up.

Her heart began beating out of her throat, this nervousness building up inside her, in addition to that anticipating chill that kept running down her spine from before. She only saw a glimmer of the look in Hitsugaya's eyes, but suddenly, she knew. There was only one thing in the world that made Hitsugaya look that fiercely hating and vengeful. Aizen.

Karin sighed lightly as she rushed after him.

Hitsugaya's eyes were a crystal clear blue-green, as they always were. They were cold, as usual, but now they held so much frosty bitterness and animosity that Karin was freaked out.

He hadn't spoken to her now for a while. He was so enraptured, so caught up in this vengeful hatred of Aizen. This whole building smelt like him, felt like him, contained his spiritual pressure everywhere he turned. Hitsugaya grit his teeth as he ran forward, thoughts of Karin fading away from his mind.

Anything he'd falsely promised Urahara was also gone from his thoughts. There was only a fleeting thought passing past him of Karin, remembering his confident reply to Ichigo that he'd never take his eyes of her. It was… too late for that. But inside, as the thirst for revenge took over him, there was a bit of painful regret.

_Karin… _His eyes deepened as the emotion changed in them. He loved her. But he had no willpower to stop himself from chasing after Aizen. And now he realized how powerful, but also how wounding this vengeful nature inside him could be. Urahara had always been right.

As Aizen's pressure grew stronger and closer, Hitsugaya closed his eyes for a split second, knowing that he'd cause pain for those around him. He was ashamed of thinking this, but he had no way to fight it. Aizen had already planted those seeds of hatred and anger inside Hitsugaya and now they had grown into twisted vines.

Even knowing this, Hitsugaya didn't try to stop it. Because, as he ran resolutely into the darkness, he realized that maybe he had always wanted this. The cruel haunting taste of revenge.

Suddenly Karin realized she was standing alone in the dimly-lit corridor. She was shocked and felt Hitsugaya's footsteps resounding further and further away. He had probably used shunpo or something. Karin scowled with annoyance.

Sheesh, she knew he was bloody eager to fight Aizen but how was she meant to stop him if he was going too fast for her?

Karin rolled her eyes at Hitsugaya's stubbornness and was about to run ahead when she felt an unfamiliar presence behind her. She bit her lip as the haunting tremor ran down her back. It was spiritual pressure like a Hollow's, but way stronger. She felt her spirit draining away and her body freezing up.

She struggled to get control. This spiritual pressure was so strong, but she swore to herself that she could handle it! How, she reasoned, would she ever become like Ichi-nii and Toushirou if she collapsed at a bit of strong spirit pressure?

Her mouth suddenly went dry and her dark eyes widened as she heard a voice.

"Well… it seems I've found you." It was an unrecognizable voice, but she could feel the taunting smirk behind his words.

Karin whirled around and glared at the stranger. "Who are you?!" she demanded, fixing a penetrating glare into the eyes of the other person.

Grimmjow felt the determination and fierceness of Karin's glare and the side of his mouth twitched as a slow smirk spread across his lips. Yes… this was spiritual pressure worth finding. It was still weak but he could foretell an amusing fight to come.

As his eyes settled on Karin's face, Karin scolded herself for feeling scared. She yelled at herself to pull it together and gritted her teeth.

His smirk was taunting and smug. "My name's Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Nice to meet you, kid."

**Thankyou very very much for reading!! I hope you liked it!! I know there wasn't much on Ichigo there, but there'll be more next week!! Look out for Ulquiorra, okay?? By the way, that whole thing about revenge and darkness was a lot like my Sasuke fic, haha! I guess I just loved that angsty fic so much I had to bring some of it back!! Heh heh!! **

**Well then, please review!! emichii!! **


	10. The First Encounter

Hello

**Hello!! Thanks so much everybody for your reviews!! I'm sorry in advance if this chapter comes out late because I will be in Sydney this weekend at SMASH! anime convention!! So, here's chapter 10! I hope you enjoy when it finally gets to you!! Read and review!! emichii! **

"My name's Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. Nice to meet you, kid." **  
**

**Chapter 10: The First Encounter **

Karin's eyes wavered slightly on Grimmjow's smirking face. She gritted her teeth and clenched her hands into tightened fists. She struggled to fix her dark eyes on him and find some courage, some strength from within, but somehow… this great fear began creeping into her.

She knew… that she had always had some kind of fear, some kind of reaction to all Hollows, and things with a different spiritual pressure from hers. There was that parakeet with a soul trapped inside it, it was then she first began to feel her powers grow beyond her control. Gradually, she saw Hollows more and more everyday, and finally ended up running from them every single time she was outside.

Still, no matter how many Hollows she met, she felt or she saw, it was always the same. Every time this… shrinking feeling inside her ached. Every time this great fear seemed to grow in her, it made her shiver and lose her breath.

And now… this was no different. The same… pitiful scared feeling rushed throughout her. Her whole body was frozen; Grimmjow's mocking eyes and the curved smile on his face took away her ability to move. She could barely speak.

Grimmjow looked down at Karin and frowned slightly. "What's wrong with you?? Can't you even move under my spiritual pressure??" His smile deepened as he leaned his head down and closer to Karin's face. "It's not even at my strongest right now. Or haven't you ever seen an _Espada _before?"

_Espada._ The word rang through Karin's mind, triggering off warning bells and memories of the times this word had been mentioned. Espada… were the strongest Hollows they were right now in Hueco Mundo. They were the strongest arrancar and Karin's face paled.

"…It's rude not to reply when someone's just introduced themselves." Grimmjow straightened up and shoved his hands into his pockets. Not that he wasn't rude himself.

Karin fought for composure and courage. She struggled to find the strength to stand up to the overwhelming pressure and fear. She looked for Hoshi Matsuri in her thoughts, and relief flooded through her as she felt her zanpakuto's presence. She bit her lip as she sighed lightly. Finally, her eyes darkened on Grimmjow's and she said, "Karin Kurosaki. That's my name."

Grimmjow was amused by Karin and the way she had froze and then found her boldness again. He chuckled to himself as he leant down towards her again. "Ichigo's… little sister, huh?"

Karin's eyes widened as she stared at him. She still couldn't get used to how she didn't know her Ichi-nii like she thought she did. He was always away, and she was only beginning to put together pieces. He had met so many people… Ichigo was…

Unsure what to think of her brother, Karin replied, "What of it?"

Grimmjow grinned. "I came all this way to meet you, Karin. I'm so excited for this fight I've been wanting to have with you!!"

Instantly, he raised a hand and red light gathered at the tips of his fingers. Karin's eyes grew wide. She only had time to watch in horror as Grimmjow flung his arm towards her and sent the cero blast straight at her.

--

Ichigo suddenly froze. He could still feel Karin and Hitsugaya's spiritual pressure alive and well, but there was a growing distance between the two. He narrowed his eyes as he noticed the way Karin's hakudo was trembling.

_What the...? _He was confused and then his confusion went away and was replaced with anger and frustration towards Hitsugaya. _That bastard!! Damn him!! I told him to look after Karin!! How dare he?? _

He scowled angrily as he recalled what Hitsugaya had told him once before.

"_Kurosaki. Remember that time you said that if I let anything happen to your sister, you would kill me? …well, think about this. Karin is the girl I love… Kurosaki, if you ever hurt her like that again, then I'll take the responsibility to kill you myself." _

Dammit. He didn't understand. Ichigo knew how strongly Hitsugaya felt about Karin. He had had no doubt that Hitsugaya would protect Karin with his life, but why… why was Karin's hakudo so unsteady and why was Hitsugaya's presence nowhere near hers?

He swore under his breath. _Hitsugaya, I trusted you!!_

Why…? Why would he abandon Karin so carelessly? It was so unlike him!! Unless… Ichigo's brown eyes grew big at the realization and then darkened with intensity. _No… but it could be…_

He understood now!! Of course!! Hitsugaya, if he loved Karin so much, there would be no way he'd leave her unless… the one person he hated more than he loved Karin was there. Aizen…

Aizen!! Ichigo hated him just as much as Hitsugaya did! But he didn't have the kind of background history with him as the tenth captain had. He couldn't understand the torturous pain Hitsugaya carried from Aizen. But he did know… Aizen was the guy that could make Hitsugaya lose his self-control.

Ichigo was furious. He felt Karin's pressure rise and fall nervously. He suspected Karin had just met someone. Someone… strong like… Ichigo lost his breath. Grimmjow!! Karin was faltering, her spirit weak and nervous. Ichigo knew that Karin had some kind of phobia against all Hollows, something that made her freeze up inside and this fear rise up inside her. But if this was Grimmjow then it was obvious to see why Karin was in so much trouble.

Ichigo turned to head immediately for Karin and Grimmjow. A huge string of expletives ran through his head, mostly aimed for Hitsugaya and Grimmjow. Dammit!! How the hell was he meant to get to where Karin was in time??

Suddenly, a huge flood of spiritual pressure exploded around him and he almost missed his footing. This pressure… his body and his soul was so in tune to it! It was so easy to recognize yet also so different!! It was crazy, but he knew it at once!! It easily drowned out Karin and Grimmjow's pressure and the thoughts of rescuing his sister. There was no way he was wrong. He knew this presence too well. But…

For some reason he wavered at it. It was her!! He knew it! Rukia!! A pained expression flashed over his face. But... it had changed.

A huge flood, a huge ocean of Rukia's spiritual pressure… it was so concentrated, so full of strength and rough energy, it was so intense it would've made him fall over if it wasn't for the distance between them.

He wondered if Karin or Hitsugaya had felt it. Somehow he doubted it because he was the only one who could feel her pressure this strongly and this well, no matter how far they were apart. His body, his soul was remarkably in tune to this well-known pressure… because it belonged to the girl he loved.

Somewhere in the back of his cluttered mind there was the thought of Karin and how he had to help her. But then… this crazily strong pressure belonging to Rukia drowned it out. All he could think of was her, and how pissed off he was at whatever Aizen had done to her to make her energy so… intense! He scowled at the thought of Aizen! He wanted to kill him for even touching Rukia, for taking her here in the first place!! Rukia…

He hadn't felt her pressure in so long, and then suddenly, here it was! This complete flood!! Karin vanished from his mind as he ran forward once again. Rukia… was close… she was definitely here! And Ichigo was gonna find her!!

--

She felt the heat coming, closer and closer; all her eyes could see was red, red, red. It burned her sight, it made her freeze and unable to think of anything but the state of her body after it had hit her.

Karin had no time!! There was no way she could jump away or dodge. Her brain snapped back into action. _Block it. _It commanded her. _Deflect._

_Deflect it!! _Karin felt so panicked and desperate as she pleaded for her zanpakuto. "HOSHI MATSURI!!" She cried out for it.

Grimmjow's cero blast died down, as the red stream seemed to bounce back into the air and vanish. He frowned at Karin and he blinked in surprise at what he saw.

Karin stood in front of him, breathing hard, slight burns and injuries littering across her forehead and arms. But she stood there, panting, defiant; wielding a huge sword in front of her.

Grimmjow's surprise died down as his smirk grew wider again. "That your zanpakuto, eh? Interesting way of calling it."

Karin muttered a sound in reply.

"Good. Now at least you can fight me properly!!" He declared and ran towards Karin.

--

Hitsugaya suddenly froze. His cold blue-green eyes widened and his face grew pale. _Crap!! Dammit!! _He felt pressure and emotion explode inside him as he was torn apart, two pressures on either side of him now, Aizen and Karin's. Aizen's was taunting him and drawing him closer, yet Karin's was screamingly painful.

He hated himself at that moment, for having so cruelly abandoned Karin and left her behind. Biting his lip to stop himself from cursing out loud, Hitsugaya ran towards the direction of Karin's exploding fearful spiritual pressure, fearing that he wouldn't get there in time.

There was the sudden blast of spiritual energy from Grimmjow's next cero blast, and all Hitsugaya could do was run and cry out anguish, "KARIN!!"

**To be continued!! Sorry for the long wait!! **


	11. Long awaited Reunions

Yo

**Yo!! Here's chapter 11!! Please enjoy!! Read and review! emichii**

**Chapter 11: Long-awaited Reunions **

Karin grit her teeth fiercely as she glared into the fearsome red cero blast heading her way. she tightened her grip on her zanpakuto's handle as she felt Hoshi Matsuri presence grow stronger.

_Calm down, Karin. You won't get anywhere if you panic. _

Karin's eyes settled on the red hot blast and she took a deep breath and let it out.

_C'mon, Karin, you can do this! _She told herself. As the blast finally hit, she wielded her sword with as much strength as she could. The cero seemed to go on forever, and halfway through its blast, Karin felt her feet slipping, but she held on, blocking off Grimmjow's attack. Karin scowled suddenly as she realized she couldn't hold off all of the blast. Without missing a beat, Karin immediately leapt up out of the way of Grimmjow's blast and while falling rapidly back into the battlefield, gave her sword a mighty swing, clearing an area for her to land upon safely.

Grimmjow was stunned for a moment at her maneuver, but smirked as he ran towards her again. Karin braced herself and Grimmjow struck out at her with a fierce punch. Karin didn't block it with her sword but with her leg, in that instant she swung her sword around his back. Grimmjow raised his fist so that Karin's foot went up on top of it and she fell backwards and twisted down in a heap on the ground. She didn't remain there for long, in a second she was up on her feet again.

Grimmjow stepped forward up to her and Karin leapt up to the air, bringing her sword down above him, but when Grimmjow knowingly seemed to see what she was doing, she changed tactics and swung it sideways, into his side. But Grimmjow moved his hand in a flash and stopped it.

Karin's eyes widened. Grimmjow gripped Karin's blade and Karin felt her sword shift as he moved it easily however he wanted. Karin struggled to hold on and gain control of her weapon, but Grimmjow was too strong. Karin scowled as he lifted her blade up, blood tricking down the palm of his hand.

Karin's angry eyes met the Espada's and Grimmjow's grin widened, his teeth showing. Suddenly, Karin felt a chill creep up her back and then how whole body froze. Her eyes widened as she stared at the smirking arrancar. Karin felt his intense spiritual pressure grow and grow so much that she couldn't stand it. It was way too heavy for her.

So what if she had abilities? So what if she had lots of spiritual pressure? She was still a relatively new shinigami, she hardly knew anything! This pressure was too much for her to handle.

Karin felt herself begin to shiver intensely, as the pressure rose and rose so much that she felt like she was going to vomit. As her eyes watered and sparks of energy began to explode from Hoshi Matsuri, she saw Grimmjow laugh.

"You're pathetic! Can you really call yourself Ichigo's sister?? You haven't damaged me at all!!"

"…_So much for Ichigo's sister!! You're a pushover!!" _

Kenpachi's words came back to her and Karin grit her teeth harder, beginning to feel fury overtake the feeling of fear and being drowned in spiritual pressure. Her eyes darkened as Hoshi Matsuri began to take on an eerie glow.

Grimmjow was firing up for a last, final shot of cero. The red light started glowing from his fingertips as he took a casual stance, ready to defeat Karin. Karin's mind was racing, she was beginning to panic and no matter what Hoshi Matsuri told her, she was unable to calm down. Sparks were starting to come from her sword, as though Karin's special attack was about to be unleashed, but probably not in the best way.

The cero blast came, frighteningly fast, Grimmjow right behind it, ready to finish Karin off. Karin's eyes were wide open, she was breathless and unable to move, the frightening pressure enveloping her so she really seemed to be drowning.

"KARINN!!"

Both Karin and Grimmjow tensed at the sound. A blur suddenly flew in front of Karin. She recognized the white hair and the drawn sword. The cero blast was gone; Grimmjow was now glaring angrily at the soul reaper standing protectively in front of Karin.

"T-Toushirou?!" Karin cried, dropping her hand and the sword in it to her side.

Hitsugaya turned around for a second. His blue-green eyes were icy cold, but when they met Karin's, they broke for a second, something like regret and care that ran through his eyes.

"Karin-" Hitsugaya began but then his eyes widened and he grabbed Karin's shoulders and pulled them both out of the way of Grimmjow who was rushing towards them, eyes wide with excitement and the thrill of a good fight rushing through his veins.

"Finally!! Someone worth fighting!!" Grimmjow yelled, raising his fist ready to beat the living crap out of the tenth company captain.

"That's enough, Grimmjow." The voice came from elsewhere, but Hitsugaya immediately recognized it. Grimmjow growled up at the voice and stopped.

--

Ichigo entered a different room from the corridor he had been in. He shivered in the coldness of it. He frowned, he knew it. She was here! She was most definitely here!!

The room was stone and freezing cold. It was dark and he could see hardly anything at all. It was not the most welcome area to be in. But Ichigo knew she had to be here. The pressure he had felt before was here, but not as impacting as before.

It was softer now, but pumping in the background.

There was a stir in the corner of the room. Ichigo detected a figure standing there. She was leaning against the wall, arms crossed, as though she had been waiting for someone. She was facing away from him, so she didn't see.

Ichigo crept silently towards her, his heart pumping away so hard.

He reached just behind her and paused. She noticed him and turned slowly. As her blue eyes met him, he saw the part of mask on her face and he recalled the horrible memories of the day he had killed her.

Ichigo stared critically at her, so many different emotions running through him. Yet the only word he could say at this long-awaited reunion was, "Rukia…"

--

There was a tremor in the air. It shocked every one of them. The one it affected the most was Karin, who immediately fell to the ground, eyes wide and tears spurting out, choking.

Grimmjow also froze, but he knew who it was. He immediately stopped and pulled back from Hitsugaya and raised his head to the direction of the pressure.

Hitsugaya was also still. The pressure rose greater and greater, so heavy that he could hardly breathe, but he was not afraid of it at all, because his fury and his hunger for revenge was much greater than it.

Karin shivered from her spot on the ground and slowly raised her head to look for the cause of the pressure. From the dark corner, atop of a higher platform, she squinted her eyes and saw a figure.

The figure stepped out from the darkness so only part of the face was revealed in the dim light. He smirked.

Hitsugaya got up from Karin and ran towards him, yelling upwards at the figure, so much hate and anger within him that it disfigured his face. "AIZEN!!"

Aizen smiled down at the captain, but it was smile of smug contempt. "It's been so long… Captain Hitsugaya."

**Thanks for reading!! Sorry, there was so much detail I wanted to portray in this section but it turned out so rushed!! I AM SO SORRYYYY!! well then… hope you enjoyed it anyway! Please review! **


	12. Nothing can Stop me from Killing You

Hi everybody

**Hi everybody!! I'm emichii!! Erm… yeah the last chapters have been kinda dodgy so I'm really sorry!! I will do better, I promise!! I have Moderation Day today so I've got no school!! That means super-awesome chappies!! YEAAAHH!! The coming chapters will all have been carefully planned out, because we're heading towards the final climax now. ooh… scary. Here's chapter 12!! Read and review!! **

**Chapter 12: Nothing can stop me from killing you **

"AIZEN!!" Hitsugaya screamed up at him. His voice was furious and so wrecked with anger and hatred, his blue-green eyes wide and angry.

Aizen said nothing, but the smirk and smug expression in his eyes made Hitsugaya even angrier. Hitsugaya gripped the handle of the sword over his back and pulled it out, yelling, "Reign over the frosted heavens… Hyourinmaru!!"

Karin had been on her knees on the ground, but suddenly at the mention of Hitsugaya's zanpakuto her eyes widened. Her hands were trembling so hard and she gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut, telling herself to pull herself together. Dammit.

This thick layer of icy coldness had spread throughout the corridor now and Karin was sure it wasn't just from the release of Hyourinmaru. She was so tired, so weary. She hated herself at that moment, wondering why the hell could she be so tired, so exhausted. It wasn't like she'd even fought Grimmjow properly.

She had done her best obviously but the most she had been able to do in the fight with the Espada was defend herself from Grimmjow's blasts. It had been bloody hard to fight in the narrow hallway, but now as she glanced up, she noticed it was no longer a hallway.

The result of all the cero blasts and fighting had collapsed the walls and there were bits of debris and wall hanging precariously everywhere she turned. She blinked in confusion. She was so out of it; she hadn't noticed what had happened here.

Grimmjow was now standing there, arms crossed, rolling his eyes in obvious annoyance that his fight had not only been interrupted but ended. From through the torn apart wall, Karin could see into the other corridor next to it, where there was a high platform, upon which the brown-haired enemy of Hitsugaya's stood.

_Aizen… _She only thought the name and the aches and bruises all over her cringed. She had only heard so much about him, she had only known the full extent of Hitsugaya's hatred for him. Karin paused for a moment on her hands and knees, finally seeing the blood dribble down to the ground from her wounds.

She glared so angrily down at them. They weren't even that bad. She had been injured much worse than this. After her fight with Kenpachi, she knew this was nothing. Besides, she had avoided the main impact of Grimmjow's cero blasts.

But she couldn't breathe. Maybe it was just being here, in Las Noches, maybe just the huge difference in Aizen and Grimmjow's pressure from her own. Maybe just the horrible gut-wrenching fear that was choking her, worse than it normally did whenever spiritual entities were around.

The cuts and scratches, bruises and gaping areas of blood made her breathe heavily as she gazed angrily at them. WHY?? DAMMIT, WHY?! She wanted to scream.

_Why… why am I still so disgustingly weak?? I still… even after so long… even after so many numerous fights and training with everybody… I can't even stand up after these tiny wounds… dammit!! _

Karin's head was lowered and her short black hair covering her face as she clenched her fists and struggled to find the strength to stand. But that horrifying flood of Aizen's spiritual pressure… it made her weak, she couldn't even lift a finger now.

_Toushirou… _she thought of him. He was there, so close, he had released his zanpakuto. He wasn't collapsed on the ground, swearing at himself for his weakness and struggling to stand up. No… instead he was pumped and so ready to beat the living crap out of Aizen.

She… loved him so much it still hurt even after he had accepted her. She admired him more than anyone, possibly even more than her Ichi-nii. He wasn't… weak and pathetic like her. He was ready to fight!!

Suddenly, Karin realized. Her dark eyes opened wide with shock. What had she just thought of? _Toushirou…_ _Toushirou is ready to fight!! He's going to fight Aizen!! _

_He can't. He mustn't!!_ _I can't let him!! _

"_It's all right! I'll make sure he doesn't fight Aizen!! I… I'll do anything in my power to stop Toushirou." _

Her words flashed back to her. She bit her lip as she felt her muscles ache. She wobbled as she tried to stand up.

_Please don't. _His pleading eyes. She remembered that.

_I know my zanpakuto has barely any abilities, and that I'll probably only drag you guys down, but I know what I have to do, Toushirou. I know you, Toushirou. I need to be there to hold you back when you try to fight Aizen. _She remembered her reply.

_No… _Karin felt every part of her body scream with pain as she fought with the heavy net Aizen had placed on her with his insane pressure. _I have to… I have to stop him… _

--

"Rukia…"

He didn't know what to say. As she turned to face him, he saw the mask that covered one eye; that began from her forehead, ran beside her nose and ended raggedly, across her cheek and just above her ear.

Dammit. He hadn't seen her in so long. He had missed her so much; there hadn't been a second when he hadn't thought of her. But he stared at her now, and didn't know what to do next.

Before, there was so much he had wanted to say. He wanted to tell her just how sorry he was, about how it was an 'accident' and he had been such a dickhead for trying to forget about her and everything, and giving up whatever hope he had. He wanted to… hug her and have her tiny frame in his arms. He wanted to make amends, somehow.

But now… he could say nothing.

The blue eye that wasn't covered by the partial mask, regarded him seriously. Rukia hadn't changed, aside from the mask that now so firmly sat on her face. Her shihakusho was in tatters, the sleeves and edges frayed and torn, the fabric worn and blood-stained.

All that time he had been stressing and hating himself for being the one that killed her, he hadn't thought about those tiny white particles that had begun gathering on her face when she had vanished. And now, here she was, something like an arrancar.

What had… Aizen done to her?! That bastard!!

Her spiritual pressure still felt like here, the pressure he recognized and loved so dearly, but it was also different. It had increased so much, and seemed to keep rising, so much that it made Ichigo wary of it. It was concentrated and rough, so intense she was neither an arrancar but also not an Espada.

Ichigo stared at her, this pained expression of sorrow and love over his face. She stared back and all she did was say his name, the same way she always did.

"…Ichigo…"

--

Hitsugaya gripped his sword as he ran towards Aizen, who was still standing up on the platform. He leapt up and was flying upwards towards him, lifting his sword up behind him to strike when suddenly he was stopped.

_WHAT? _He was shocked as he turned to stare at whoever it was with widened blue/green eyes. What he saw was the determined glare of Karin Kurosaki, right behind him, floating in the air for that brief moment.

She was holding onto his wrist, the hand he held his zanpakuto. Her grip was surprisingly strong but Hitsugaya felt the slight trembling in her fingertips as she grasped his hand.

"What are you-?" Hitsugaya sputtered. She had come after him so fast and he had thought she was unable to move too. "When did you learn shun-po??"

Her grim expression let out a tiny smirk. "Renji's been teaching me for the last couple of weeks but I haven't been able to do it until now."

Hitsugaya stared at her firmly but she easily met his stare. He was shocked at how strong her grip was. Especially considering he could feel the slight trembling in her hands and see all the cuts and bruises all over her. He saw the blood dripping slowly from her shoulder onto the ground which was a couple of feet below. He saw the red substance splatter on to the stone ground even so, and he grit his teeth as Karin made no move to let go of him.

"Sorry, Toushirou." her voice was soft and some new confidence in it. "I told you before… and I promised Urahara... I can't let you fight him!"

Hitsugaya heard the slight chuckling coming from Aizen and his eyes darkened in anger. "Dammit, Karin! Let go!! I have to! I have to kill him…!! For everything he's done to me!!" Hitsugaya grew angrier and angrier as he yelled out, his sword still clutched in his hand and Karin still holding onto his wrist. "I have to… I have to!!" He shouted, "He was the one!! He's the one who played us all along… he's the one I thought I believed but all along he was planning on betraying us!! He's the one who ruined Soul Society and took Kuchiki away!! He's the cause of all the suffering and confusion I've been going through!! And he's the one… He's the one who broke Hinamori's heart!!" Hitsugaya yelled.

He paused for a moment and Karin felt her grip lessen at the mention of Hinamori's name.

"It's all his fault! He did it!! …he's the one who stole Hinamori from me and destroyed her!! …Momo…!!" His voice became choked up and he turned his head to stare at Karin. The hatred and want for revenge was etched all over his face and the tears… the pained… tears of lost love shining in his eyes.

But when he looked back at her, what he saw made his heart break even more. For Karin also had tears in her eyes.

Hitsugaya opened his mouth to speak, but couldn't say anything. The tears built up in Karin's dark eyes and finally spilt. The grip she had on his wrist was also lost and she fell. Hitsugaya was unable to tear his eyes away from her as she fell, slowly back down towards the cold stone floor. He saw her battered body and the stream of blood that burst out as her exhausted body finally gave up. But most of all, he couldn't stop staring at the tears that trickled down her face.

The emotion in her eyes, hurt… real suffering and a bit of hated jealousy, as well as the tears of pain that she hated but had come anyway.

Hitsugaya stared back at her when all of a sudden; he felt the overbearing pressure of Aizen as the former Fifth Captain attacked! Hitsugaya swore under his breath and he immediately blocked with his sword.

Aizen's smile only deepened as his eyes dug deeper into Hitsugaya's, searching for signs of weakness. "You are as amusing as always, Captain Hitsugaya." He told him. He glanced down at Karin's body, lying there, battered and bloody. "Might I ask what that girl means to you?"

The mention of Karin made Hitsugaya's stomach tightened, as it reminded him of everything Aizen had done to Momo. He remembered the pain and suffering, and he remembered the tears he'd just seen in Karin's eyes. He remembered the crap sotaichou Yamamoto had put him through when he had discovered what he felt for Karin.

Hitsugaya's hatred rose as he gripped his sword harder, feeling Aizen's hand pushing onto it harder. Aizen smiled harder.

He suddenly stopped his attack and stepped back, pausing in the air. Hitsugaya stared in amazement as bits of mist began to gather and surround the ruler of Las Noches.

"Guess what, Captain Hitsugaya? I'm feeling extra generous today. I think I'll show you my zanpakuto."

Hitsugaya took a sharp intake of breath, as he glared at Aizen. He felt the pressure around him grow and tremble violently and he tightened his grip on Hyourinmaru. He gritted his teeth as he prepared for the battle of his life.

As the sweat began to gather on Hitsugaya's forehead, Aizen held out his sword and called:

"Shatter… Kyōka Suigetsu!"

--

"Rukia…!! I… I'm sorry!!" Ichigo burst out, unable to contain himself anymore. So many feelings, pent-up emotion and frustration poured out as he exclaimed, "I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, Rukia!! For everything I've done to you! I'm sorry I… I killed you!! And I meant it then! I said back then… that I loved you! It wasn't a joke or a lie… but even so I still… I still did this to you! I was the one… who made you this way!! Who killed you and let Aizen take you away! And now he's… he's done who-knows-what to you! Rukia… I… I already know! I'm the one to blame…"

Rukia stared at him. There seemed to be a chill in the air and Ichigo felt such coldness settle on his skin and Rukia gazed at him. Finally, she opened her mouth and spoke. "Ichigo, I… I already know too."

Ichigo watched her in surprise as she took a single slow step up to him and looked up at him, tall and towering over her. "I know! I know you're to blame as well!! And I know Aizen is the one who planned it all from the beginning! I know what he's done to me, planning to turn me into some kind of weapon… but, Ichigo, you know what I despise most of all now that I've become this… this thing??"

Her voice was loud and hoarse as it rose and she let go of the emotions that were exploding from within, all the pent-up frustration she had hidden ever since she was bought to Hueco Mundo, all the sorrow and bitterness that tore away at her whenever she was alone.

"It was you, Ichigo! And damn right, you know it! You're the one who killed me and brought me here!! It's all because of you I'm like this now!!" Rukia spat out. Her small hands were clenched into tightened fists.

"I'm no longer a shinigami, what with Aizen doing something to me and my soul!" She unconsciously pressed a hand to her stomach, thinking of the Hougyoku inside her. "I don't belong here either! I'm neither a Hollow nor Arrancar nor Espada!! I have no place anyway anymore! I can't pass as a human, whether in a gigai or not!! I've become… this… this experiment of Aizen!!" Her voice was pained and full of suffering. Then suddenly, it grew louder and stronger and angry.

She was furious. At Ichigo.

"It's your fault!! Why, dammit, why?? You tell me you know you killed me! You tell me it's your fault and you know it but why the bloody hell would you have killed me in the first place?!" She cried out. Her one revealed eye flashed with anger.

"I… I hate you… Ichigo…" her words were weak and muttered, until she raised her head at him again and repeated it again, "I hate you!!"

"Whose fault do you think I've become like this!! It's not just Aizen's, you know it!! Look at this!!" She angrily placed a hand over the mask and the other one just under her chest. "Look at me!! I've become… I don't even know what I am!! I have no ability to live on my own anymore!! I depend on that cursed Hougyoku that's inside me once more!! I can do nothing but Aizen's will now!! Because… just 'cause he holds my heart in his hands!!"

Ichigo stared at her, his mouth open in disbelief. Rukia breathed hard, still angry but with visible tears in her eyes.

"Ichigo…" her voice was tired now, as she went on. "When you told me you loved me… I thought you must've just said it because I was dying. I remember the first time I came here… my only thoughts were how I wanted to see you. But now… looking at you brings me nothing but this great anger and hatred of you!!"

She started shouting again. "You think I want to hate you, Ichigo?? You think I like yelling and screaming at you like this, that I like hating you and wanting to kill you? If you do, Ichigo… then you… you're a fool!!"

"…_you're a fool!!"_

Ichigo remembered the insult she always threw at him. He knew all the times she had said it, he recalled when she said it cheekily and with a smirk and when she was annoyed and when she was pained. He remembered the way she said 'You fool' when he went all that way to rescue her from the sokyoku.

But never… never had he seen such sadness and bitterness and pain in her eyes when she said it, and felt the pain in her voice. Ichigo gazed down at Rukia, who was silent now, but only for a while. She seemed so unstable, spiritual pressure suddenly growing more intense, her voice always rising and falling.

"…If you really care about me so much… why… why did you have to lie?" She raised her head and stared piercingly through him. "You blamed everything on yourself, when you knew all along of the Hollow inside you that has been tormenting and torturing you ever since you 'so-called' killed me!!"

Ichigo's eyes widened suddenly at the mention of his inner Hollow. Yeah, it was the one thing Rukia always knew about and the one burden he was willing to share with her.

"Rukia…" he murmured.

Rukia suddenly stepped back as she felt the Hougyoku inside her thud, aching. Ichigo froze as the area around him grew colder and icier still as Rukia's unusual spiritual pressure built more and more with no signs of stopping.

"Sorry Ichigo… I have to kill you…" She said, as she slowly slid out the sword from her scabbard. Rukia held onto her zanpakuto and stood, in a ready stance, the sword pointing directly at Ichigo. She lowered her head so that she stared towards the ground, her black hair falling over her eyes so that Ichigo wouldn't see her cry.

"At least… Say you hate me when I kill you, Ichigo Kurosaki!!"

**Eh?? EH?? Whadya think?? Did you like, did you like?? 'Cause I for one, LOVED IT!! YEEAAHH!! It was such an awesome long chappie; does it make up for the crappy chapter last week?? By the way, the next chapters will probably be more Hitsugaya and Aizen rather and Ichigo and Rukia, because the Aizen fight will be building up to the final climax between Ichigo and Rukia. I hope you'll enjoy everything to come 'cause I can guarantee it will be INSANE!! Thankyou so much for reading! Please review! emichii!! **


	13. Illusions of Kyoka Suigetsu

Hey everyone

**Hey everyone!! Here's chapter 12!! Welcome to the Aizen and Hitsu big fight arc, I guess. Might take up a couple of chappies so wait for the ichiruki part, ok?? Please read and review! **

**Chapter 13: Illusions of the Kyoka Suigetsu **

Hitsugaya stared wide-eyed at the former fifth captain that faced him. Just the release of Aizen's zanpakuto surprised him and shocked him as the overwhelming spiritual pressure flooded the area.

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth and felt the beads of sweat gather behind his neck as the flood washed over him. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembered Karin and wanted to cry out for her, because she couldn't handle such pressure. Then he remembered how she had fallen and those tears in her eyes.

Hitsugaya wanted so much to turn around and check on Karin somewhere below him but he couldn't. Aizen was right in front of him and his shikai in his hands. Hitsugaya gazed at it, unable to believe he was finally going to see the sword he had barely ever seen before.

Aizen's smile widened as his dark-eyed gaze focused on Hitsugaya. "Intrigued to see my sword, are you? That might not be such a good idea, Captain Hitsugaya, as you should know…"

Hitsugaya's blue-green eyes widened as he realized. He yelped out as he scrambled away from Aizen, panicking, suddenly remembering the dastardly effects of Aizen's zanpakuto. Aizen watched him, still calm and smirking as Hitsugaya tried to run from him, get away from Aizen and his sword.

He knew of what would happen. He remembered it all, those horrific effects of Kyoka Suigetsu. He couldn't forget the things that Aizen had done with it, even if he had tried to.

Yes, that scene in the Soul Society, Aizen's body speared through into the wall, his open unseeing eyes, the blood that ran down the crisp white wall and the blood all over his shihakusho. The scream that came from Momo Hinamori as she discovered it, the tears that coursed down her face, the way she sobbed and sobbed and could not be consoled as she wept for her beloved.

Hitsugaya gritted his teeth. He didn't want to think about it!! But… But even if he knew about the hypnosis ability it didn't make him immune to the effect. And now it was too late! He had seen it!!

"You know about the handy effect Kyoka Suigetsu has I'm guessing." Aizen's voice was light and teasing. "Would you like to try it for yourself?"

_Absolute Hypnosis!! _Hitsugaya froze. He would have squeezed his eyes shut but he knew he couldn't because then Aizen could attack him. He was trapped, really and truly trapped! All he could see now was Aizen's wide smirk, so cunning and evil. From the corner of his eye he saw Grimmjow, the Espada was standing arms crossed and scowling. Turning his head desperately to catch a glimpse of the dearest person to his heart, he panicked when the darkness closed in around him.

Hitsugaya wanted to scream but Kyoka Suigetsu's hypnosis fell over him and the last thing he could see was Karin's battered and bleeding body lying on ground. He opened his mouth but realized nothing was coming out as he yelled out desperately for her.

--

"Karin!! KARIN!!" He screamed, but he couldn't hear his voice coming from his mouth at all.

He ran towards her, he fought through the heavy flood of spiritual pressure that Aizen was surrounding him with, he felt like choking, he truly honestly couldn't breathe. He struggled on towards her, but it seemed no matter how hard he ran or how fast he headed towards her, she remained out of his reach.

His heart beat painfully in his chest but he pushed on. "Karin!!" He put in one-last ditch effort to get to her and suddenly found her right there at his feet. He sighed with relief as he bent down to look at her and then recoiled in horror.

Her eyes were open, but dull, blank and unseeing. Hitsugaya's chest twisted as he recalled that exact expression on her face. He had seen that before, he remembered that exact scene, the dullness in the eyes, the lifeless way her body lay there.

He saw the sword that went through her chest, spearing her into the ground, the trickle of blood that came from her mouth, the splattered blood over her shihakusho. He knew the puddle of blood that gathered underneath her on the ground that spread out over the stone and seemed to stain it in the most horrifying way.

"AIZEN!!" He yelled as he suddenly turned around and looked for him, the cause of all pain and horror. He was nowhere to be seen but he could feel the anger boiling up inside him and the tears that were gathering in his eyes, yet he bit his lip and fought them back.

_Dammit! DAMMIT, BLOODY HELL!! _He knew it was an illusion!! He knew it, he knew it so well, but he also knew he couldn't escape from it.

An illusion… an illusion, he continually told himself that but it was so real. So damn… painfully… REAL!! His gaze settled on Karin's face and he felt so bad inside, his insides were acting up, he wanted to hurl. He was so overcome by the pain and realness of seeing Karin dead and speared through by a sword, and also so disgusted by the way Aizen replayed the scene he himself had used to betray Soul Society.

"T-Toushirou…"

Hitsugaya was startled. He turned to face Karin again. He was shocked at the way she looked at him, so honestly, so truthfully, so painfully. He was scared at how real her voice sounded. He felt the sweat at the back of his neck as he stared at her.

"Karin." He said. Dammit, he knew this was hypnosis but how could he possibly not respond to her voice?

She turned her head towards him wearily and muttered, "Toushirou…!! Toushirou, where are you??"

_Eh? _He frowned intensely. "What?" His voice was weak. "Karin, I'm right here!! Karin!!" He repeated her name, louder.

She began to shiver. She looked at him and then looked around him, desperately searching for Hitsugaya. Her voice was pleading now, shaking and full of fear, her black eyes wide and disbelieving. "…Toushirou…?? Toushirou!! Why aren't you here?? Why did you leave me here?! Toushirou!!"

The painful depth of her voice drove Hitsugaya insane. "I'm here, dammit, I'm right here!!" He screamed again. He heard his voice now, so loud and strained it hurt. He could hear his own voice so well now, but… but why couldn't she hear him no matter how loud he screamed? And why did she look at him but see _through_ him??

Karin was silent, breathing shallowly and roughly from exhaustion. She dropped her head to the ground wearily and stayed there, tears starting to flow.

Hitsugaya was distraught. He knew… he knew so well he absolutely could not stand her tears, he was absolutely weak to them. He couldn't hold back anymore. Seeing Karin lying there, covered in blood, silently worn out and crying for him… Hitsugaya collapsed to his knees and pulled her towards him.

The sword in Karin's chest creaked uncomfortably but Hitsugaya had forgotten it. He knelt there and hugged her, his arms around her waist and resting his chin over her shoulder, her face next to his. He felt Karin turn her head to look at him.

"Toushirou…!! …shiro… Shiro!!"

And he froze. And he sputtered out, his voice hoarse, a mixture of a scream and a yelp. His eyes went wide and he couldn't believe his eyes. He wanted to scream and let go immediately. He needed to go, let go of her. This wasn't Karin!!

"H-HINAMORI?!" He yelled out in horror.

She was the one he was hugging in his arms. She turned her head once again to smile at him and said in her soft, hurting tone, "Oh Shiro…"

_No!! No! I can't!! I can't have just… _Hitsugaya let go of her and started to back away. He tried to cover his ears with his hands and block out Hinamori's voice. Noo! NO!! He couldn't stand it! He couldn't handle it anymore!!

He loved Karin!! He only loved Karin!! He had gotten over Momo, or at least he had tried to and he was getting over her, slowly. This… this would make the pain he tried so hard to move on from come back, worse than ever. He couldn't… he couldn't handle it anymore.

"Oh Shiro, what are you doing? Why are you backing away from me?? Come back!!" Hinamori reached out behind her and grabbed Hitsugaya's hands. Standing with her back to him, she arranged his arms around her and whispered, "Please… keep holding me, Shiro-chan…"

Her touch… was too much. He couldn't... her presence in his arms was too real, he wanted to scream. This couldn't… this was too cruel, way too cruel. How could he-?? How could Aizen… that bastard... that dickhead… how could he so cruelly and horribly play with a person's emotions like this? And… and these were old emotions. Old dreams and longings and wishes… when he had wanted Hinamori.

His face went hot and pink and his hands began to shake. Hinamori was still holding onto his hands and his arms were still around her.

"Why are you so uncomfortable, Shiro-chan?? Don't you… enjoy this? Didn't you… used to love me?"

Hitsugaya froze. Hinamori released his hands but he still stood there, frozen, holding her. Then he heard the sound. Crying.

His blue/green eyes went wide. He recognized this crying. He rarely heard it but knew exactly who it was. Karin. He felt Hinamori's shoulders shaking and was alarmed when she turned her face to look at him and she was laughing. Hysterically.

He could hear Karin's crying so loudly and it impacted him greatly. He couldn't see her anywhere but he felt her sadness, sorrow and pain so much he was almost moved to tears himself.

"Why… why are you laughing, Hinamori??" His voice was wobbly and hoarse.

"Heh…" She turned away from him and he froze as she raised her hands to grip the handle of the sword which was positioned in her chest. "Shiro-chan… You know why I'm laughing? Because… because I've won!!"

He cringed at the way the last through words she said twisted and morphed into a different voice. Aizen's voice.

Hinamori gripped the sword and plunged it straight through her and into Hitsugaya.

--

Hitsugaya spat out blood. He was backed up into a wall, on the platform Aizen had been standing on. Aizen was in front of him and he was laughing, chuckling that horrible mocking laughter. He was holding his sword out in front of him and it was stabbing Hitsugaya straight in the chest.

Hitsugaya collapsed onto his knees and the blood dripped all over the floor. Aizen pulled out his sword and stood triumphantly.

Hitsugaya panted as he struggled to pick himself up. "That was… a really dirty tactic," he muttered.

"I know. And you still fell for it." Aizen replied with pride.

Hitsugaya got to his feet and stood there, bent over one hand pressed to the gaping wound in his chest and the other one clutching onto his sword. "…but I'm… I'm far from done, Aizen!!" He declared. He was badly shaken and the blood dripped without any signs of stopping from his wound. But he lifted up his sword and spoke softly:

"…Bankai. Daiguren Hyourinmaru!!"

**Thanks for reading!! Sorry for the late chapter, I hope you don't mind!! Actually, the major Aizen and Hitsu fight was meant to be in this chapter and end dramatically next chapter but I got inspiration suddenly with the illusions of Kyoka Suigetsu and got carried away. Oops. So… either next chapter will be super long or the Aizen and Hitsu fight arc will go on for a while. Please review and tell me what ya think! emichii!! **


	14. Frustrations

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach!!**

**Hi people!! Thankyou for your reviews and encouragement on the last chapter!! Here's chapter 14!! Read and review!! emichii!!**

**Chapter 14: Frustration **

Another petal vanished.

Hitsugaya gripped his sword tightly as he growled angrily at Aizen. Dammit, he was exhausted. It was hard to sustain Daiguren Hyourinmaru, especially in this dimly lit narrow area. The area had already been ruined and opened up to a wider space by Karin and Grimmjow but it still wasn't the most terribly comfortable place to battle.

By now, countless blasts of ryusenka and cero-type shots had worn down the walls and a big hole in the ceiling had been opened. Hitsugaya could see the spotless perfectly blue sky of Las Noches through it and it frustrated him.

He still had the gaping hole in his stomach and the blood wasn't stopping as it poured out from him. He felt the pain more than ever now, suspended in the air with the wings of ice, seeing the blood slowly seep out and drip in the most grotesque way towards the ground so far below. He gulped uncomfortably as he fought with the urge to throw up.

Looking down, he could still see Karin's unmoving body lying on the ground. He worried infinitely for her but couldn't see to her. He was repelled by the horrific hypnosis Kyoka Suigetsu had placed on him before. He didn't want to think about it.

"-gyah!!" He spat out suddenly as Aizen came for him. The king of Las Noches flew down towards him from above, pressing down his blade into him with so much force; Hitsugaya truly believed he was going to die. He could feel his wrists shaking and aching as he struggled to hold up his sword and block off Aizen's blade. His fingers slipped as he fought back intensely, gritting his teeth so hard and glaring at Aizen, so much hatred exploding from inside him.

He struggled to push back Aizen's blade. And then Aizen gave out. Hitsugaya was shocked as Kyoka Suigetsu lifted and Hitsugaya's force knocked him off balance. In that split second of unbalance, Aizen's smile widened as he immediately pulled back his sword for a strike. The blade aimed for Hitsugaya and he used shun-po to move, at which Aizen matched his speed easily.

His blue-green eyes grew more intense and panicked as he moved again, yet again Aizen was right there beside him.

"There is practically no moisture here in Hueco Mundo," he said, "your bankai's abilities are useless."

Hitsugaya swung his sword and it came dangerously close to slicing Aizen's neck. However, Aizen somehow raised his spiritual pressure at that precise moment so that Hitsugaya froze in fear. The pressure rose again and Aizen's eyes were satisfied.

"You feel this pressure, Captain Hitsugaya? Well, let me tell you a secret. This pressure isn't just mine. Half of it belongs to the former shinigami you knew as Kuchiki Rukia."

"What?" Hitsugaya stared at him.

"I can use her however I like. The Hyougoku is a most helpful object; it's increased her abilities and spiritual pressure to make her the ultimate weapon. The best thing is I can use her powers simply. If I want, I'll just drain every last drop of her spiritual energy and use it myself." Aizen pulled out some item from inside his outfit.

Hitsugaya watched it and froze motionless. He didn't notice as the sixth petal vanished. The horrible object that sat on Aizen's palm was pumping and weary, exhausted and painful looking. It was so… repulsive and terrifying that Hitsugaya immediately threw down his head and felt nausea rise up inside him. It wasn't just the heart; it was the storm of pressure exploding from it. He wanted to throw up, he panted for breath, fighting for air.

He finally saw and felt the true weight of the wounds and cuts he bore. His eyes were finally open to the bloody wound in his middle and the huge gash that ran across his side. In addition to that, bruises, cuts, scratches all over him. He wanted to scream.

Aizen saw his opportunity and appeared right in front of him. He lifted his sword and flashed it over Hitsugaya so quick he could neither feel nor see anything. And when Aizen stepped away, Hitsugaya gaped as all at once, he saw the fine lines that criss-crossed all over his arms and legs and blood spurted out from them. Fine bursts and streams of blood came from his crying veins as more blood came out of his mouth as the pain enveloped him and tears burst from his eyes.

He was unable to see clearly. He could barely move, he could feel the next two petals fading and he saw Aizen smile maliciously at him through his blurred vision. What… what had he done?? Hitsugaya lifted an arm and was shocked at how light it was, how numb it felt to move and how strange that the pain of the blood loss was worse than the actual cuts themselves.

"You know, Captain Hitsugaya," Aizen's voice wavered in his ears. "I've always been curious about this shinigami I've never met before. Her spiritual pressure is… amusing."

And then Hitsugaya realized. His blue-green eyes, as tired and blurred as they were flashed open in anger and distress as he tried to move his wrecked body towards her. But he couldn't get to her, he forced himself forward but his body wouldn't cooperate and the pain was so great…

His mouth opened in a terrified scream as Aizen reached her.

His voice could barely make a sound. It was so raspy, pained and hoarse, yet he screeched out her name as best as he could; please, just to reach her. Just to wake her and warn her. Please. "KARIINNN!!"

--

"_Dance... Sode no Shirayuki." _

Rukia had released her zanpakuto, something which Ichigo had never expected to be fighting against himself. She had flash-stepped towards him and tried to attack many times but he had been able to avoid her. It was only then he noticed.

The way her fingers trembled as they gripped the sword handle, the way her shun-po was always a little too far away from him, the way her swings always happened to be wide and miss the vital spots. And the unreadable emotion in the one blue eye he could see.

Ichigo stared at her, his heart aching for her. She was fighting an inner battle. She didn't want to do this. She didn't want to fight him. She didn't want to have to swing her sword at him.

He wanted to say something; he needed to tell her that she could fight Aizen's control. Surely… her own will could fight Aizen's puppet strings. That hollow mask on her forehead, she could get rid of that, couldn't she?

And then the pressure rose. He froze and inside it felt as though his heart and organs had shrivelled up inside him and he couldn't breathe. Rukia's eyes also widened as the wave of intense and highly concentrated spiritual pressure flooded in, rough and painful. Rukia was still as the spiritual pressure in the room built up. Her face was deathly pale and suddenly she let out a painful breath.

Ichigo fought against the pressure and managed to glance at Rukia, as she bowed over and stared wide-eyed at the stone floor.

Her fingers trembled again on the sword hilt and then the pure white zanpakuto fell from her hand and clattered to the ground. A tingly inside her from the Hyougoku made her hakudo unsteady and she knew that her power as Aizen's 'ultimate weapon' had rose again. And then her heart thumped. Once. And again. The second time was so heavily painful and she gasped out. She automatically clutched a hand to her chest and then recalled that her heart was no longer inside her, it was separated from her body.

But… it hurt!! Rukia stared down at the ground, her whole body shivering as she felt a freezing cold blanket fall over her, the dark coldness of Hueco Mundo that she still couldn't face. And inside… like a twisting, draining, bleeding squeeze of her heart.

_Kuchiki. _She was unable to move as she felt Aizen's sneering voice erupt over her mind. His voice was all powerful, thunderous in her thoughts. _Didn't I warn you?? I still have your heart in my hand, remember? You can't escape from my control, Miss Kuchiki and you know it. _

The pressure around her and inside her swirled and rose uncontrollably and then stayed like that, finally settling a bit and keeping the room full of her immense spiritual power. _If I tell you to kill Ichigo Kurosaki, you'll do it. No second thoughts about it, nothing. I told you before, didn't I? Soon, you'll feel no physical pain or any emotional pain. His sword will not affect you no matter how hard he swings it at you. Your thoughts and emotions about fighting him are nothing. It is irrelevant. My ultimate weapon… will not bow down to such petty matters… your own thoughts and feelings are not significant. They will be rid of soon. _

And then a final mind-blowing stab of pain erupted inside her as he smirked and gave her heart and invisible puppet strings one last squeeze and tug. _I don't want less than your best, Kuchiki. Go on. Don't be reluctant. _

Suddenly, Ichigo was aware that she had straightened up, quite primly and confidently. She didn't meet his gaze. Her stare settled on her pure-white zanpakuto, which in her mind had developed numerous stains and was dirty, darkened and dull. The side of her mouth twitched as a tiny smirk seemed to appear.

_You'll have no need to regret and hate yourself over it later. I promise. If you kill Ichigo Kurosaki, then your abilities will have woken by then and you'll no longer need to feel the unnecessary burdens of emotion. _

He stared at her with wide brown eyes as she reached down and her fingers closed around the sword hilt.

"Heh. It seems I can't mess around any longer… Ichigo." Her hand tightened over the handle and her eyes grew firm as she stood to face him. "I'm going straight for the kill."

His own hands began to sweat and feel uncomfortable over Zangetsu's handle as he met her powerful stare. Her mouth made a tight line as she said calmly, "Let's… make this last as long as it possibly can. In other words… come at me with everything you have, Ichigo!!"

"I can't hide my newly gained strength anymore." She held her sword out, pointed towards him and the room's pressure intensified and Ichigo felt his body grow tense.

Ichigo saw how she no longer looked at him anymore, and wouldn't meet his gaze. But he thought he saw a final flicker of emotion in her blue eye and it was a painful sorrow that he saw. She gritted her teeth in frustration as she attacked.

"Goodbye, Ichigo." She whispered, so soft she could barely hear it herself.

**This is a lot like a filler chappie because Aizen and Hitsugaya's fight was meant to end here, but because the end is very explosive and would take up a whole chapter I delayed it till next time. Because it I ended it here then Hitsu wouldn't have gotten a very good fight, since last chapter was basically all illusion. So here we are. The whole Aizen and Hitsu fight wasn't going to be broken by segments of Ichigo and Rukia's fight but this is how it ended up. I wanted to put them in since you wouldn't see them for a while if they weren't in this chapter. Next chappie will be INSANE, people!! Be sure to check it out!! **


	15. Sorry

Hiya

**Hiya!! Here we are, at last bringing the Hitsu and Aizen fight to a close!! Enjoy!! Read and review!! emichii.**

**Chapter 15: Sorry**

She had tried to stop him from fighting Aizen, but she couldn't. Dammit. And she felt so angry, so annoyed that she had been so useless, so powerless against it. Hitsugaya had been… uncontrollable.

It had hurt. She had tried. She really had!! And it had hurt a lot. Karin knew that he didn't mean to cause all the suffering she had to face. It wasn't his fault. He was just… angry… furious and frustrated by the revenge he needed to get. He wouldn't have concentrated on how he never thought of Karin anymore, or how he'd been pushing her away. Because he had been…

He'd been thinking of Aizen. And Hinamori.

Karin felt her fingers tremble. _Hinamori… Momo Hinamori-san… _Her mind conjured up the images of the Fifth Company Assistant Captain, her gentle smile and the countless times Hitsugaya froze up when her name was mentioned or when she appeared nearby.

Her mouth twitched ironically. _Yeah… his childhood friend and his first love, right? _Of course he had to go and exact revenge. Of course he went through a whole lot of hurt and pain; of course he needed to kill Aizen. Yeah. He had to.

She remembered the pain in his eyes when she had grabbed his wrist in mid-air. She recalled the words he said, the pain that screamed out from them as he yelled, _"He's the one who broke Hinamori's heart!!" _

_I don't know anymore. I don't want to know. _All that beating up and anger she had given herself when she had discovered these feelings for him. She still… didn't like the weakness of having fallen in love with someone.

_This is Toushirou… it doesn't matter… I don't mind that he cared for Hinamori-san… I don't!! It doesn't matter if he was harsh to me… he was just so focused on Aizen and his revenge that's all!! It doesn't… it shouldn't matter to me…_

_It shouldn't…_

Her eyelids flickered slightly and she stirred. Darn, her whole body was so numb. She didn't want to get up. She didn't want to move. It was painful enough just lying there, she didn't need any more. Especially after all she'd been through recently.

"KARINN!!"

Ah. There was his voice. Dammit, this really was bad. She liked him so much she heard his voice even when she was apparently unconscious.

"KAARIINN!!" She heard him again, that voice she could never forget, and the voice she loved. But it was different. Why… why was there so much anguish and frustration in his voice? Why was it so hoarse and pained? What was… wrong?

Her fingers twitched. She groaned silently as her fingertips scraped against the cool stone ground. She felt the blood beneath her fingers and tasted the blood across her lips. What had happened again?

She had been… so exhausted and tired after facing Grimmjow. Then the immense flood of Aizen's spiritual pressure had pretty much knocked her out. She had struggled to get up again and stop Hitsugaya from fighting Aizen, but seeing the pain in his eyes and the hidden tears and the way he told her about Hinamori, she had let go and fell to the ground. Just lay back and fell… slowly… so exhausted…

_I have to get up. _The thought buzzed through her mind as she started to move the joints in her fingers and slowly push herself up. The urgency in Hitsugaya's voice had… somehow alerted her. _What's happening? _Her sight slowly cleared as she wobbled and stood up, slowly.

_What… _Her gaze swept past the room, the torn apart walls and ceilings, Hitsugaya floating with his ice wings, bleeding and pretty much pulverised. Her eyes narrowed as she ignored the sudden ache spreading across her. _But… where is he? …where's Aizen?_

And then suddenly her eyes widened and she lost her breath as she felt his overwhelming pressure swallowing her and heading closer and closer. Straight towards her.

"KARIN!!" Hitsugaya screamed.

Karin had no time to think. What? Where!! What to do?? Hoshi Matsuri!! Where was it?!

She was horrified as he came closer, and she could see nothing but the devilish smirk on his face that spread out so wide and the teeth that gleamed in his mouth. The eyes… the brown eyes that seemed to pierce deep into her.

She couldn't breathe. Her heart and chest were tightened, wound up. Her fingers were frozen but trembling, her whole body was uncontrollable, she couldn't move. Her lips shivered as she struggled to do something.

"HOSHI MATSURIII!!" She shouted out, her voice pained and desperate.

Hitsugaya stared in wonder and relief as Karin's strongest zanpakuto move erupted. The sky above parted, the artificial bright blue sky vanishing and replaced with the dark night and gloomy clouds. He felt another petal diminishing from behind him as he gazed at the flashes of light and fiery stars that slammed down into area, stars that burnt up and sizzled into the ground, wrecking destruction.

Aizen was surprised. He smiled deeper.

Karin stood there, breathing hard, sweat running down her face. Her body was bleeding and more decrepit than before, but she had managed to scrape past Aizen's coming attack and survive it. She breathed haggardly and felt the tears dripping from her eyes.

Hitsugaya and Aizen stared up at the sky above them in wonderment. What remains of the ceiling and walls from before were just about all destroyed and nothing left. They could see the sky clearly now, the sky of Las Noches stretched out above them to no end.

The sky was a murky haunting dark gray and black sky. The clouds were swirling around and there was the aftermath of the exploding stars, the stars that burnt up as they flew down towards the ground.

As the attack ended, and the last blast of light hit the ground beneath Aizen's feet. Hitsugaya was stunned at how the sky did not return to normal. He had seen this attack before, it only ever happened when Karin's emotions ran on high and she let go of it all, unleashing the emotions and feelings she always hid. She rarely used it.

But this time… it had been the most furious attack he had ever seen. He didn't understand why the sky remained that dark murky colour, when normally it quickly returned to its original shade.

Hitsugaya glanced at Karin. She leant over, clearly in pain, hands on her knees and tears that fell from her eyes. He saw the bruises, the scratches and cuts, the wounds and gashes of blood spread out all over her arms and face. He saw the torn shihakusho and the sickening blood stains all over it. Her black hair fell limply around her face, which was pale as well as cut.

It was only then that he was aware of how hurt Karin was and how much she had suffered. And all because of him. He was struck by the picture of pain and suffering he could see. Karin's emotional turmoil had been so great, that was why the sky stayed depressingly black and would not turn blue again. She had been so miserable and hurting so much that the attack had been the most explosive he had ever seen.

_Karin… she'd been… hurting so much…_ His blue-green eyes were critical as he watched her. She wobbled heavily on her feet then and tried to find her balance. Hitsugaya forgot Aizen momentarily and began to rush to her, but before he could get there, a whooshing sound of something fast sped right past him and Karin. When he looked up, she was gone.

Hitsugaya threw his head up to glare at the flying object hovering in the dark murky sky of Las Noches. "Hey!!" He yelled angrily.

His eyes grew big with surprise. It was flying carpet-like thing, and he recognized the shopkeeper with the green-and-white striped hat sitting on it. Urahara was sitting cross-legged on it, with Yoruichi (cat) sitting beside him. Karin was sitting there, dazed.

Urahara calls out, "It's okay, Captain Hitsugaya! We've got her!!"

Hitsugaya's voice is lost between relief and shock. "Wh-what are you doing here, Urahara??"

Urahara waved his fan excitedly and said cheerily, "I knew you'd be reckless and attempt to kill Aizen even though you promised me you wouldn't. And I also knew that even Karin would be powerless to stop you!!" Even though Urahara said it carelessly and casually, his eyes were glaringly serious as they settled on Hitsugaya's face.

"You know thirst for revenge and such emotion in a battle is a very dangerous thing, Hitsugaya. Look what it's gotten you…" Urahara reached out an arm and ran a hand through Karin's messy hair and said, "Poor girl! She's gone through a lot because of you, Captain!"

Hitsugaya's face was struck with a sorrowful expression and anger at himself for not thinking of Karin. "…I know."

"And look at you, Captain Hitsugaya," Urahara tut-tutted. "Look at what you've done to yourself." His eyes swept over the huge wound in Hitsugaya's stomach and the blood that never stopped dripping to the ground. He noticed the last petal melting away and the cuts and gashed that crossed Hitsugaya's arms. He saw the blood that fell from his forehead and cheek and the bruises spread out all over his body.

Urahara tilted his head downward so that his eyes were hidden from the shadow of his hat. Aizen smiled from his spot on the ground, the sly smile that showed all his teeth. Urahara swept his carpet thing down lower and picked up Hitsugaya, saving him from a long range attack that was coming his way.

Hitsugaya screamed down at Aizen, hurt and bloodied from the battle. "I'll kill you, Aizen!!" He yelled, "I'll be back and I swear I'll destroy you!! AIZEN!!"

Aizen's eyes sparkled with evil glee. He grinned. "Yes, Captain Hitsugaya, you do that. Go get stronger, way stronger!! Then come back and massacre my Hollows, slaughter my Espada and kill me!! I'll be waiting for you, Hitsugaya!!"

Hitsugaya turned away from him, angry. Angry at Aizen, angry at his weakness and inability and angry at himself. Horrified, he noticed the cold tears running down his face.

His gaze fell on Karin. She was standing now, on the flying carpet. Her eyes were lowered, the remains of her tears still visible. She was dirty and messy, hurt and cut all over.

His heart fell heavily. He had done all this to her. The attack she had unleashed before proved her inner pandemonium. He had been so selfish. He had hurt her.

From all his talk of killing Aizen and avenging Momo, from his uncontrollable hatred and how he wouldn't listen to her pleading and reasoning. He recalled the small ways in which he had turned away from her, even pushed her away in some way and been harsh towards her by the way he wouldn't talk to her anymore. He had… really treated her like crap. How could he have… hurt her so badly like this? She must've really suffered and tried so hard, but he had been blind, and deaf to her!! His eyes were sad and disappointed in himself.

He walked up towards her and her dark eyes flickered up to see him.

He hugged her, wrapping his arms around her, embracing her tightly and sadly. She made no movement. Hitsugaya felt her shoulders shake as he rested his chin over her shoulder, bowing his head. Karin lowered her head as she felt the hated tears return.

Slowly… woodenly, she raised her weak and scarred hands to hug him back. He felt how her hands shivered and he held her tighter, the feeling of warmth and love that he had lost returning to him.

"…sorry." His voice was weak and hoarse. His voice grew louder and more painful as he repeated sorrowfully, "Sorry, Karin!! I'm so sorry…"

It hurt. It still hurt, but Karin grit her teeth and bore it. She held on to him, not wanting to let go, for fear of losing him permanently. She wanted to forgive him. But it was still so painful. She had no voice to speak with.

Instead, Hitsugaya just stood there, staying with her and holding her.

_Sorry… I'm sorry, Karin. _

**So!! There you have it!! This chapter had been drafted and planned about 8 chapters ago. Haha!! I'm happy!! It's finally all typed up!! Hurray! What did you think? Did you like? Please review!! emichii! **


	16. I'll Kill you Again

I don't own Bleach

**I don't own Bleach!! I just realized how many typos were in the last chappie so I'm gonna go back and fix them. Thankyou so much for your reviews and support, everyone!! Here we go, back to the battle between Ichigo and Rukia!! Lemme warn you, this chappie is veerrryyy close to the climax. We're getting close now!! Very close to the end!! Oohh… Read and review!! emichii! **

**Chapter 16: I'll Kill you Again **

They were still, floating in mid-air.

They stared at each other and the emotions in his eyes were clear but she didn't see them. They were there, suspended in flight, their hands gripping onto the handles of their swords, locked in fiercely to their meeting, their blades colliding and the painful screeching sound of the swords deafening.

Her blue eyes were furious and intense, set only on killing and winning the battle. Her blade seemed to be crying as she pressed harder on it. Her tattered shihakusho billowed slightly in the cool air of Las Noches, and her black hair fell over the white material that masked one of her eyes.

He met her furious gaze but could no longer connect to her. She had shut herself off from him and she was out of reach. But Ichigo watched her, and he'd never gazed at her so intently before. His brown eyes hardened on hers and they were questioning, wondering and so concerned, mixed with his love for her and the desperate hope that she might come to, she might truly see him and break out of whatever spell Aizen had over her.

Rukia grit her teeth as she clutched her sword even tighter and with one mighty push, fought of Ichigo's defending blade and dug her own sword into Ichigo's chest.

At the first painful contact of his skin with Rukia's sword, Ichigo moved. He bent backwards and flew lower, looking down at the cut over his chest with critical eyes. It was not a deep or serious injury at all but he couldn't help feel absolutely stunned at how she had actually cut him.

Rukia flash-stepped towards him, pausing just metres in front of him. She narrowed her eyes at him and for a moment he recognized the defiance there. She lowered her head slightly and said quietly, "I told you I was going in for the kill, Ichigo. I'm not messing around or wasting my time anymore."

Ichigo felt his fingers grow clammy and sweaty on Zangetsu's hilt. He didn't look at her and gazed downward at the stone floor far below them, but Rukia's unusually great spiritually pressure gushed over him and forced him to jerk his head up and stare at her once more.

She casually tilted her head up and gazed nonchalantly at him and through him. "What's wrong, Ichigo? Is it so hard to believe that I actually cut you? If you're so stunned from that tiny cut, can you even imagine how I felt when you plunged your sword into me?"

He saw that a tiny amount of emotion sparked briefly in her eyes when she said the last line.

She moved back from him and spoke, "Tsugi no mai… Hakuren!!"

Her next dance, her hakuren grew from her sword blade as she swung it and Ichigo found himself facing a huge white wave flying towards him.

He swore under his breath as he lifted his sword up and swung. "Getsuga Tenshou!!" He shouted as his sword emitted a huge black and red blast towards the white one.

Rukia didn't move. She watched with a bored calmness as the spiritual pressure in the room suddenly grew and erupted raggedly and unevenly. Ichigo's eyes grew wide as he felt the nauseous tightness inside his chest as the wave of spiritual energy flooded the room again.

Rukia's hakuren flew towards Ichigo's blast and they both watched as the collision sparked and faltered and then the white wave grew larger, swallowing up the Getsuga Tenshou and flying straight ahead, picking up speed as it flew into Ichigo.

Ichigo opened his mouth but was not even able to scream out as the blast hit him. He felt the heat and the exploding pain cover him and burn him and then he was being pushed back by the pressure into the stone wall behind him.

He groaned as he felt his body leave a heavy dent in the wall. He could feel the bricks cracking and giving way as his body slowly slipped. He felt the pain and the aches all over his arms and legs and middle and his gaze swept past his now torn and ruined shihakusho. He saw the bruises that dotted his arms and the bloodstains all over his clothes, as well as the trickle of blood making its way down the wall. He closed an eye for a moment as his forehead had also begun to bleed.

Ichigo forced himself to move, to get up. He untangled himself from the mess he was in and the dented hole he had imprinted. He hovered there, away from the wall for a second, watching Rukia as she glared right back.

Rukia said nothing and then darted towards him, suddenly vanishing as she stepped into a shun-po. Ichigo met the challenge, disappearing as he moved just as fast as she did. He found her once but she darted off again. He appeared in front of her another time and she vanished again. The third time they met in their series of fast flash-steps, Rukia's glare pierced through Ichigo's and in a flash, she had swung her sword at him. Ichigo swore under his breath as he whipped up his sword to defend himself.

Rukia's gaze grew more intense as she swung the sword faster and stronger still, her strikes and blows getting faster and faster so that they were only a blur. Ichigo struggled to block and fend off the first couple of strikes but Rukia's unnatural abilities were too good and he was battered by a current of attacks.

Rukia swung furiously and as Ichigo was pushed back and her sword struck him all over his front, he saw the anger in her eyes. For a second, the unstable spiritual pressure rose again in the room and he felt like he was choking. His widened eyes stared at her blue eyes and saw that there was an unmistakable shine in them that looked like tears.

Ichigo felt the pain and agony of the direct slashes and cuts all over his chest and stomach and bit his lip as he tried to move away and retreat for a moment, but when he flash-stepped away from her, she was there in front of him waiting for him before he even got there.

"Why?" She asked suddenly as they met once again in the flurry of fast-paced activity. "Why don't you fight back??" Her eyes were dark and serious.

He avoided her yet again and didn't answer.

"Ichigo, answer me!!" She shouted as she attacked him again. "Why??" She asked desperately as she brought her sword down over his shoulder.

Ichigo moved his arm like a flash and she stared as the sword blade drew blood on his arm. Rukia didn't understand why he had reached out and took the attack with his bare arm instead of his sword.

"…I can't fight you, Rukia," he said softly as she watched in shock as he reached his arm out toward her. "I can't… because I've already… I've already killed you once…!!"

The hurt and agony in his voice was painful and unbearable. She stared at him in shock as he reached out beyond her sharp sword edge and took hold of her sword-wielding hand's wrist. He felt the way her wrist suddenly jerked and tensed at his touch.

"…what are you doing?" her voice was trembling.

"I can't fight you, Rukia…" he said. "I told you before," his voice grew louder and hoarser as he painfully told her; "…I love you!! I really do!!"

The tears Ichigo thought he had seen in Rukia's eyes bubbled up and one of them slipped down her cheek and she cried out, "I don't care! I don't care anymore!!" She angrily pulled away from him. "Don't touch me… Ichigo!!"

"I can't… even begin to comprehend this so-called feeling of love you say you have!!" She said loudly, her eyes wet and large as she yelled out at him. "What's it mean when you say you love me?? And why… why won't you just fight me properly so that this can all be over?!"

She moved away from Ichigo again, flash-stepping so that she was far from him, around ten metres back. She shouted, "Why, Ichigo??"

He was stunned at the emotion that had suddenly racked her voice. "I told you… I told you I didn't want to mess around anymore!! I just want to kill you like Aizen is ordering… I just want this to be over, Ichigo!! But you… you… I don't know… he said…" Rukia lifted her head up, teary eyes staring up at the high ceiling, remembering back to what Aizen said. "Aizen told me that soon… when this transformation the Hyougoku is doing to me is complete, I won't feel any pain anymore… I won't have any more emotion, this won't be so bloody hard and the friggin' weakness of emotion won't hold me back anymore… but I…"

She moved her gaze onto Ichigo's face and continued in her pained voice, "…whenever I look at you, Ichigo, there's this… horrible pain inside and I don't know what it is!! I don't understand it!! Why won't it just go away?!"

She grit her teeth and tightened her grip on Sode no Shirayuki's hilt again. "Dammit, Ichigo!! Why… why is this so hard??"

She flash-stepped towards him once again and flew at him, bearing her sword and ready to hit him mercilessly. "I wanna… I want to kill you so badly, Ichigo!! I want to beat you up mercilessly and watch you die for killing me first!! I want to… hate you so much!! I want to hurt you and break you, Ichigo! But I…"

The sword strikes that had been battering him senseless suddenly grew weaker and then stopped. Rukia's spiritual pressure faltered uncomfortably as she looked away from him and whispered, "…I… I can't do it… why can't I bloody kill you?!"

She stood there, mid-air, puzzled and distraught. She turned her glare to him again. "Why do you stand there in silence, Ichigo?? Say something!! Do something to make me hate you again!! Fight me, dammit!! Swing that sword like you want to kill me once again, Ichigo!! Just fight me!!"

Ichigo was quiet. "I… I can't…" He lowered his head and let his arm fall down beside him, his grip on Zangetsu loose.

_I can't do it. I can't… fight you, Rukia… I can't swing this sword at you without remembering that one time I killed you with this exact sword!! I can't… I can't, Rukia… _

Ichigo breathed deeply in agony as he was lost in what he could do now. He could see Rukia in his peripheral vision and he was so distraught. As his clammy fingers continued to let Zangetsu slip from his fingers, suddenly he was shocked and horrified by _its _presence returning to him.

"_You can't do it, huh?? Why not, Ichigo?? What's happened to your old bloodthirsty self that so harshly slaughtered her last time?" _

Ichigo froze and his breath was caught in his throat.

"_Aw, gee, Ichigo Kurosaki, you're a pushover. C'mon, what else could be better?? She actually wants to fight!! She's asking you, she's begging you to fight her!! Why are you hesitating??" _

He felt the sword hilt slip even more from his loose grip.

"_Fine, Ichigo… You can't kill her, right? You don't want to kill ol' Rukia, yeah?? Well, guess what? I DO!! Can't you feel it, Ichigo?? This thrill, this tremor building up inside you?? I'm just so eager to sink my fangs into her!! I just want to grab that tiny body of hers and break her into pieces! I want so much, Ichigo… I want to kill her!!"_

The sword slipped from his hand.

"_If you can't do it, I will!!" _

In a flash, in a fraction of a second, his hand grabbed onto the falling hilt of his sword and gripped it tighter than ever.

"_I'll do it, Ichigo… I'll kill her once more!"_

**Eh heh heh heh… what did you think?? Yeah… here we go, entering the second-last mini-arc. There will be a grand conclusion to this soon but that will only be tying up the behind-plot. I need to finish off this whole Las Noches/Ultimate Weapon thing first! So then… I hope you liked it!! Please review!! **


	17. The Warmth I've Missed

Hi everybody

**Hi everybody!! Sorry so much for not updating last week!! I was very busy and lost on time, especially with my other fic ending!! Anyway, I hope you'll like this chapter. It could be really long, because the Ichiruki fight arc will be ending… Please enjoy and review!! **

"_I'll do it, Ichigo… I'll kill her once more!"_

**Chapter 17: The Warmth I've Missed **

Ichigo raised his head slowly and his brown eyes focused on Rukia intently. This time, she was the one shocked and surprised. Those eyes were not Ichigo's. And that person staring at her now was not the guy she knew.

His eyes sparkled with danger and bloodlust and she felt her insides twist as she recalled the horrifying look in his eyes that first time before when he had killed her. Her eyes widened as he lifted a hand and ran it over his face, his Hollow mask appearing and black smoky substance floating up into the air.

She was so shocked she was at a loss of what to say until suddenly the automatic instinct of her having to get away and leave enveloped her and she instantly started to move back and away from him. Her instinct was right as the masked Ichigo immediately swung his sword without hesitation at all and sent a huge blast of Getsuga Tenshou towards her.

Rukia leapt up and using her super enhanced abilities soared through the air, frowning, heart pumping fast with intensity. Suddenly, she felt Ichigo's raw spiritual pressure exploding beside her as he easily matched her speed. Rukia's eyes widened as the masked figure swung his huge sword at her again, very fast and it flew straight towards her side. It would've cut her in half with its tremendous speed but Rukia only just managed to avoid it. She felt the overwhelming need to leave, to get away from him because he was in such a powerful state.

Her one visible eye hardened as she darted away, higher in the tall room. After all, this was the monster that lived inside Ichigo's soul, the one he secretly used to confide in her about, the one who haunted him when he was alone and whose voice made him freeze. This was… _him_.

Her jaw tightened as the spiritual pressure around her shifted and she spun around, ducking as the blade of Zangetsu whirled past once again. Her eyes settled on the masked face. Although she couldn't see his mouth she could tell that it curled into a mocking smile as he spoke, the voice bone-chilling and taunting.

"Rukia Kuchiki… You know who I am, don't you?"

Her eyes were wide as she suddenly felt her throat choke up and icy coldness settle all over her. She froze and her sword quivered in her loose and frozen grip. She couldn't speak only stare in horror at the masked person.

"It's _sooo _nice to see you again. I've missed you so much."

Rukia struggled to say something, or to move but his strong spiritual pressure seemed to surround her and hold her still, suspended there in the air.

"Every time I saw you… every time I thought of you, Rukia, my heart raced. And then all I can think of is how much I want you. How much I want you here in front of me, how much I want to laugh at you, how much I want to break that pathetic tiny body of yours into pieces and stab you with this sword in my hands and kill you!!"

The spiritual pressure snaked up towards her neck and wound its way around it and Rukia found her pulse building up faster and faster. She felt the pressure tightened around her and found it increasingly hard to breathe.

"I'm so lucky, Rukia. I've been blessed with the chance to kill you not just once, but _twice_!! Isn't my host Ichigo such a _nice guy_?"

Her fingers trembled on the sword hilt as she felt the overwhelming feeling burst up inside her. What was it… anger? Fear? This… nauseating stench of… _death_. She remembered the scenes in her head, the images forever black and white, and the mists of gray clouding over her thoughts.

She saw it all; she tasted the blood in her mouth from before. She remembered opening her eyes wide and staring at Ichigo's emotionless eyes as he plunged the sword into her. She saw the way his mouth curved upwards in a mocking smirk as she drew back from him, staggering towards the ground and the swords clattering to the ground.

She remembered the way his brown eyes suddenly lost the bloodthirsty cruel tone and filled with tears.

She recalled the way he choked out that he loved her and how she responded so cynically and sarcastically.

Her numb fingers tingled suddenly as she grit her teeth and pulled her gaze from the masked figure. She found the tiny amount of control in her fingers and grab onto the hilt more firmly, her gaze sweeping over the clear white blade of Sode no Shirayuki.

She knew the loneliness, the ache of sadness and despair from lying there on the cold stone ground of Las Noches, she remembered staring up at the eternally black night that tormented her and the white moon that shone so brightly in the sky.

She remembered the freezing cold around her, the atmosphere to surrounded her and wrapped its icy cold fingers around her. The coldness forever etched into her heart, her body, the insatiable cold that ate away at her without stop.

Rukia felt the horrifying loneliness and cold even now and she remembered how in all those nights spent in the room on the stone ground she thought of him.

She still felt the stabbing pain that made her cringe, the ache inside whenever the image of Ichigo came into her mind.

She saw the cruel smirk of Aizen's smile, the blood dripping from his hand as he held her painfully pulsating heart.

All these things… all the pain and suffering, all the unbearable cold and despair she faced alone… she could see them all reflected in the mask he wore. She could hear them all in the voice he spoke with. And she wanted to scream.

--

He sneered as he watched her there, still in the air, feeling the power of his spiritual pressure envelope her. He felt giddy like a child as he watched the way she tensed up suddenly, how her eyes hardened and darkened, the way she suddenly gripped her sword handle and when she glared up at him with the most hateful ferocity he had ever seen.

"HYAAAHH!!" Rukia yelled/half-screamed out in anger as she broke from the grip of his frightening pressure and raced towards him, bearing her sword as she swung it crazily and hard.

Ichigo (Hollow) grew excited suddenly as his voice rose and he cried out, "Yes!! Yes, Rukia, this is what I want!! You wanna kill me now, don't you?? You wanna take revenge!! Then come after me and kill the guy you secretly like so much!! Do me this favour and entertain me before I kill you for the second and last time!!"

Rukia said nothing in reply, but the spiritual energy she now owned grew more intense and the pressure exploded in the room so hard that their hair and clothes blew and billowed in the wind.

He held Zangetsu out and said confidently, "Bankai!"

Adding to the insane pressure and power in the room, he released Ichigo's Bankai, the large blade of Zangetsu transforming into the smaller and thinner black blade. The pressure exploded from its release and the room felt heavy as Rukia's insanely huge amount of concentrated pressure collided with the dark and nauseating pressure of Ichigo's inner Hollow.

She flew at him at a terrifying speed, her sword firmly in her hands, lifting it so she could slash at his shoulder. He used shun-po and sped to her right, but when he got there, she was waiting for him and she had the widened crazed eyes of a maniac.

She lifted the sword and sent it into his chest, the stream of red blood bursting. She saw that she had not injured his chest after all as he had grabbed the tip of her swords blade in the palm of his hand and the blade had penetrated his palm instead.

The Vizard didn't flinch as he lifted the bloodied sword in his injured hand and pushed it towards her. Rukia stepped back instantly and almost lost her balance in the air, tumbling down a couple of meters.

She struggled to regain her balance but as she fell she saw the white and red mask staring up at her and his sword prepared to stab her. She hurriedly turned from him and flash-stepped from him, suddenly aware of the chase he gave her, his steps just milliseconds behind hers.

Rukia whirled around and shocked him at her sudden speed, used her right arm to hook him around the neck, plunging him downwards and following it with a forceful swing of Sode no Shirayuki in her left hand.

The blood burst from his shoulder and arm but he made no sound, not seeming to react to the hit. She stood there, panting slightly, her sword held tightly. She stepped away, floated in the air below him and turned the blade around in her hand, motioning a large circle.

"Some no mai," she began and then he snapped into attention.

"Tsukishiro!" She said as a white wave of ice began to form from the circle, shooting up into the air, straight at him.

Then suddenly as the ice froze over in the space above her, she was aware that he was no longer there. She spun around abruptly, eyes wide as he raised his sword and with the incredible speed of Tensa Zangetsu, attacked her viciously.

All she could think of was that she had to get away, get away immediately as the strikes and slashes came faster and deeper. She clutched her sword tightly, holding it out to protect her front, but her arms suffered as the cuts and blood appeared all over them.  
She grit her teeth and glared up at the masked figure as she bore the attack. When he paused for a fraction of a second to raise the sword and go for a more critical hit she prepared herself and struck at his chest. As her blade dug into his flesh and carved a long red line down his black uniform, he stabbed her.

The blood bubbled up in her mouth and flowed out and down her chin. Her blue eyes regarded the sword in her chest and the images of when she was first killed by Ichigo like this flashed back. She didn't pause and drink in her critical injury; instead she immediately tightened on hand around Ichigo's sword, cutting her fingers in the process so that the blood dripped down the black blade.

She held on tight and with a burst of spiritual pressure pushed back on it so that the handle dug into his stomach. She felt the effect of the wound in her chest and breathed hard as she felt the Hougyoku glow inside her.

While she felt the initial pain and shock of having been stabbed, she knew it wouldn't last, now that she had the Hougyoku within her. She felt the blood slowly trickle down her front.

She immediately swung her sword around again and it caught the side of his face. He put out a hand to grab her sword but it swept past it and clipped the side of his mask.

The Vizard immediately froze as the white mask chipped a miniscule bit. He grabbed her sword blade and sent her flying back. Rukia grit her teeth as she fell back from him, feeling the wound in her stomach ache.

He went after her immediately as she came falling down towards the ground, her spiritual pressure growing louder and intense. She felt like she was falling through a tunnel and she tried to start fighting her way upwards again but he came down after her and as his Vizard pressure grew, it drowned her out. She wasn't able to fight back as he raised his sword to finish her off but he froze in shock as the side of his mask began to crumble.

It cracked across the side and then broke into pieces, one piece sliding off his face so that one of his eyes were revealed. As his brown eyes gazed at her, they widened in realization.

The emotion flickered across them and his fingers dropped the sword and Tensa Zangetsu fell to the ground.

"…Rukia." he said.

She didn't respond, just drifted down so that she stood lightly on the ground.

_Dammit, Ichigo!! What the hell are you doing?? I was just about to kill her, dammit!! _Ichigo squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the Hollow's voice bellow through his mind. _Let me kill her, bloody hell, Ichigo!! _Suddenly, he felt his arm move as it jerked forward, his fingers pressed together in a stabbing motion like Ulquiorra's initial move, stabbing into Rukia's stomach.

She froze as his fingers made contact with the Hougyoku inside her and suddenly her sword also fell from her hand as she felt the fraction of mask on her face begin to break. Ichigo stared as the mask cracked and then shattered into tiny particles, finally breaking off into a cloud of dust.

She made no move.

Ichigo didn't move his hand, he was afraid. After all, he was reaching into her stomach and the Hougyoku was at his fingertips and he had just shattered the mask on Rukia's face. He glanced at her and murmured quietly, "Rukia?"

Rukia's black messy hair fell over her eyes as she suddenly began to shiver violently as coldness fell over her. Ichigo felt her tremble and saw the way she quivered as she stared down at the ground beneath her feet.

When she still didn't answer, he said it again, louder and more worried, "Rukia??"

"…I'm cold." she whispered She shivered, "I'm freezing."

She felt so icy cold, the freezing coldness making her shiver nonstop and she ached inside. It was this painful cold that made she had suffered from for so long here in Las Noches.

He watched the way her tiny shoulders shivered and his brown eyes melted with love. He didn't want to think about everything, all the events and problems he had dwelt on for all this time.

Suddenly she finally looked up at him and he saw the sadness in the blue eyes he had missed so much. She was freezing, so cold. Ichigo reached out towards her, and she fell into the warmth of his arms.

**There are only two more chapters left for this fanfic. It's kinda sad!! Well… the only thing left to wrap up after the whole Aizen/Hueco Mundo plot is the Ichiruki plot. I hope you'll enjoy the last two chappies!! And thankyou so much for all your support, everybody! Please review and hang in there for the end!! emichii! **


	18. Running Away

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach

**Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach!! **

**Hey there! It's the second-last chapter!! AAAARRRGHHHH!! The end is drawing nigh!! Well… thankyou for all your support and reviews, everyone!! Hang in there and support me as we reach the end!! Read and review!! Here's chapter 18!! emichii! **

**Chapter 18: Running Away**

Rukia slept soundly in the bed that Urahara had provided for her. Ichigo slouched over in a chair beside her. His eyelids were droopy and he fought the urge to drop off to sleep right now.

Urahara adjusted the green-and-white striped hat on his head as he critically examined the sleeping form on the bed. Ichigo watched Rukia with tired sorrowful brown eyes but inside he felt relieved. He felt as though he could relax, as though a huge weight in his chest had been lifted.

They were here after all, at Urahara Shoten, where they could be assured that everything would be fine and it would be safe.

Rukia was heavily bandaged, all over her arms and especially around her stomach and chest, where Urahara had managed to extract the Hougyoku and return her heart. Ichigo shivered as he wondered how Urahara had managed to get back the heart Aizen had held. Rukia breathed deeply and tiredly and Ichigo felt his heart ache at the sight of her sleeping.

Ichigo leant back as he felt slightly uncomfortable in the bandages on his front and sighed deeply. He could feel Urahara's piercing gaze on him and he knew there were many things to explain, many things to talk about but right now he couldn't find the willingness to talk. It could wait.

Urahara turned his head to the other injured patients. Yoruichi, in her human form, was tending to the Tenth Company Captain and Karin, who had collapsed on the couch. Yoruichi was trying to help Karin, who had been covered completely in bruises and cuts and major wounds inflicted over her shoulder and side. Karin's face was also cut and dirty but it held a great expression of peace.

The other most majorly injured person was Hitsugaya, but he seemed not to notice the incredibly heavy wounds and injuries he held from his fight with Aizen. Yoruichi tried to pull him into a better resting position but in his sleeping daze he refused to let go of Karin, who leant on his shoulder, completely out of it.

Ichigo found himself hiding a tiny smile as he watched way Hitsugaya protectively held on to Karin and refused to let go, even in his sleep.

Finally, Yoruichi gave up trying to separate Hitsugaya and Karin and stood up. She exchanged a word or two with Urahara and then they both disappeared down a corridor.

Ichigo stood up, next to Rukia's bed and smiled gently at her sleeping form. Reaching down, he tenderly brushed strands of hair away from her face. He was surprised as he noticed the tears that were coursing down her face.

--

"Kurosaki-kun!!" Ichigo could see the surprise in Orihime's eyes as she greeted him in the classroom. The orange-haired girl sounded very happy, "I haven't seen you in so long! Where have you been?"

"Oh. Ahh…" Ichigo paused as he stood by his desk. He avoided her gaze as he casually ran a hand through his hair. "…a lot of things came up and…"

He trailed off, not finishing his sentence as his gaze settled on the black-haired girl quietly reading her book in the desk beside him.

"Oh. Okay." Orihime smiled.

Suddenly, Ichigo detected the slight hurt in her voice when he wouldn't tell her what had come up. Suddenly, he realized the extra happiness in her voice whenever she spoke to him and he remembered Rukia's words to him before.

"_You should stop treating Orihime like that. At least, say goodbye to her properly!" _

"_Why should I? And why do you care anyway?" _

"_Because Orihime's my friend! And because SHE IS IN LOVE WITH YOU!!" _

Ichigo sighed as he collapsed into his chair. It was becoming clearer and clearer that Orihime's feelings for him were beyond just friends.

--

"…see you, Kurosaki-kun." Orihime said as Ichigo and Rukia walked off towards the Kurosaki home.

Rukia kept walking forward, resolutely. She didn't look at either of them. As she walked on, her steps became further apart and faster. Before she knew it, she was running. She surprised herself that she was running like this. She gritted her teeth and narrowed her eyes as she ran, telling herself, she had to go. She had to go, dammit! She couldn't stay here any longer!!

Ichigo paused and turned to face Orihime. He noticed Rukia walking on without him. He thought of her words: _"At least say goodbye to her properly!" _

Ichigo flashed Orihime a smile. "Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow, Inoue."

He turned to leave and saw the blush that appeared all over Orihime's face and the way her shoulders perked up in excitement as she left. He sighed to himself and then looked up to see that Rukia was gone, beyond his sight of vision.

He swore to himself under his breath and then ran after her.

--

She had always known. Everyone had always known. It was also so bloody obvious but Ichigo had always chosen to ignore it, whether he knew it or now.

Of course, she told herself. Of course Orihime was in love with Ichigo. Duh!!

And yet… all this time she had been friends with Orihime and she'd done what a friend was meant to do. The whole encouraging thing, the whole talking-to-Ichigo-and-trying-to-get-him-to-do-something. She reached the Kurosaki clinic and tore in through the door, up the stairs and into Ichigo's room.

There she opened the closet, took her belongings, stuffed them into a bag and jumped out the window. _I have to go. I have to get away!! I have to… go!! _Her blue eyes were desperate but firm as she kept her eyes focused down on the road.

She had never felt this desperate to leave the Living World this much before. But she felt the overwhelming urge bursting out from inside her. How could she have let this happen? And how could she have let it get so bad?

Dammit. It was all her fault. What kind of friend was she?

She clutched the straps of her backpack tightly as she ran on, not noticing the way the sky was darkening, the sunset fading into deep blue.

For every step she took, she could feel her heart ache a bit, but she didn't look back. And it wasn't like she didn't know what was wrong with her, she did know.

Rukia gritted her teeth as she ran on, and all her thoughts were of _him._

--

"Ehh…" Karin narrowed her eyes down at the street below.

It was now about twilight and the sky was a sleepy blue. "Is that…"

"Rukia!!" she called out.

"Kuchiki!" Hitsugaya said loudly.

Rukia's face was pale and her blue eyes were wide as she turned slowly to face the two that sat on the roof of Orihime's house. She was wearing a small backpack and it was simple to see that she had been in a rush.

The two on the roof had looked so calm and peaceful, but now their faces were surprised and worried. Karin's face and arms had visible bruises, scratches, aches and bandaids all over and Hitsugaya had a lot of bandages on. And yet they were still perching precariously on the roof of Orihime's house, Rukia thought to herself with an eyebrow raised.

She was silent as she struggled to find an excuse for where she was going so late and in such a rush. She could barely see the two but she knew they could easily see her, because the streetlights had begun to flicker and light up, illuminating her face. She felt exposed as though they could read every desperate thought in her mind and the despair written all over her face.

"…where are you going, Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya asked in his even voice.

Rukia made the mistake of looking away and letting her eyes drift down to the road.

"I…" she muttered, eyes lowered, "I'm going home."

Karin was quiet although her eyes were widened.

"Why?" Hitsugaya asked.

Rukia still refused to look at him. She felt her heart pumping so loudly inside her chest and it hurt. Clenching her hands into fists tightly, she kept staring down at the road.

"Why, Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya asked again, this time sterner.

"…I've been here in the Living World for too long… and I… after what happened with Hueco Mundo, I think… I should go back to the Soul Society."

Karin tensed. Hitsugaya felt her distress and carefully moved a hand towards her hand rested on the roof. He took it and squeezed her hand, as though to assure her he wouldn't be returning to Soul Society for a while.

Karin relaxed but looking back down at Rukia, frowned as she realized.

"What about Ichigo Kurosaki?" Hitsugaya asked bluntly. "Does he know you're leaving?"

"No…"

When Hitsugaya didn't say anything else, Karin finally thought she understood. "Are you leaving because of Ichi-nii or something?"

Rukia tensed and said nothing.

"It's probably none of business why you're leaving, really," Hitsugaya said, "but… I find it strange that you're not telling Kurosaki about this."

Rukia was still silent and she glared down at the ground.

Hitsugaya paused for a moment and asked, "Do you… even want to leave?"

Rukia had an answer this time. "Yes!! Yeah, I want to leave, Captain Hitsugaya!! I want to leave this place so much!!"

She stared up at them, and they could see the way her blue eyes shone, a glimmer of tears in them, although none fell from her eyes. And suddenly, she went on and started to explain to them why she had to leave so much, although to them it didn't make much sense at all.

"I can't stay here any longer!! It'll… hurt! Because I know… I knew so well how Orihime felt about him and I was her friend, I was meant to be there to support her and cheer her on!! I was bugging Ichigo about it as well, and I know the two of them can get together and everything because at least… they're both human!!"

She didn't know what she was saying, the words just flying out of her mouth and it wasn't until she finished her sentence she realized. She was telling a human girl and a shinigami captain that it wasn't possible for two very different people to be together. And looking up at them, Rukia finally saw the trials and obstacles Karin and Hitsugaya had had to face just so they could be together.

"I… I knew I couldn't… be with him or even think about it, because well… Orihime liked him first!!" And Rukia was laughing like a maniac, although her heart ached and there were tears in her eyes, she laughed out loud at her own stupidity. She looked back up at them and said confidently, "Anyway, that's why I'm leaving."

And she knew everything she had just said didn't make any sense because she had left out the vital reason she was leaving. But she aimed to keep it that way.

"Goodbye." She abruptly turned from them and started down the road once more. She took a couple of steps and was just about to break into a run when Karin called out after her.

"Wait… Rukia!" Karin cried out, her eyes firm.

Rukia stopped.

"I just… want to know… Do you… do you actually love Ichi-nii?"

Rukia was silent. No-one saw the tiny smile that appeared on her face, because she didn't turn around or look at them.

"…yeah."

Her voice was soft, just above a whisper.

And she lifted up her feet to run, and as she disappeared down the road, no-one saw that the tears before in her eyes started to spill down her cheeks.

**End Chapter 18!! Hope you liked!! Sorry for the long wait but I hope you enjoyed!! Anyway, next chappie is the last one so I wanna thank you all very very much for all the reviews and support!! Please review and hang in there for the conclusion!! emichii!! **


	19. Healing my Heart

Hi

**Hi!! Thanks for your reviews, everyone!! Well… here we are at Chapter 19!! The last one!! It's been a crazy journey!! I wanna thank everyone who read this fic, especially those of you who read this on from ****I'm a Soul Reaper, but I Love You. ****Thankyou so much!! I hope you will continue to support me in the future!! **

**Here's the last chapter!! Enjoy! **

No-one saw the tears that ran down her cheeks as she ran from them.

**Chapter 19: Healing my Heart**

Rukia raced down the streets of Karakura, her vision blurred and fuzzy with the presence of tears in her eyesight. She ran on ahead, gritting her teeth hard, her hands clenched into fists. _Dammit. _She scolded herself angrily. _Dammit!! _

She slowed down as she raised her hand to quickly brush away the tears. But as she stood still, she froze suddenly as she heard his voice.

"Rukia."

She refused to look at him. She stayed frozen and stiff in her position; her hands paused over her eyes, in the midst of brushing away those tears.

He stood behind her, a few metres back. Ichigo was breathing lightly, because he had run here after her.

He had returned home to find her and her belongings absent and so had run after her, following Karin and Hitsugaya's directions as he passed them.

"Karin and Hitsugaya told me… what you had said before…" Ichigo said, a little uncomfortably. He shuffled on his feet as he arranged his hands into his pockets and looked at her.

Rukia waited in awkward silence.

"Isn't it… up to me who I choose to love?"

Rukia made sure that all her tears were gone and that their were no signs of them at all in her eyes of anywhere on her face. Then she turned around and said crossly, "How's that got anything to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you, Rukia!!" Ichigo cried as he stepped closer up to her and she tensed as he did. His brown eyes were serious as well as pained.

"You know," his eyes pierced through hers and she had no choice but to look away from them. "You know… I've told you so many times how I feel but you always refuse to believe me!! …how can you just leave without even saying goodbye? You…" he trailed off as his gaze drifted away from her and he stared at the road, his face strained.

_Moron. _

Ichigo's face was streaked with pain as he glared down at the road beneath his feet. _Rukia, you moron. You don't know… you have no idea… how much it hurts for me._

He raised his head again to stare intently at Rukia, and no matter how much his heart hurt, it burst out for her. He had to… finally, after all those times he had told her and failed, he had to at last get the message across.

"So… maybe Orihime likes me," he said quietly, "but I… I can't accept her feelings. You know that, Rukia!! You're the closest person to me!!"

Rukia wouldn't look at him. "Yeah. I know."

"Then why, Rukia?" he demanded. "Why suddenly leave? Why tell Karin and Hitsugaya all that stuff about Orihime and me and then rush off?? And why rush off without even talking to me first? Don't you… care??"

Rukia drew in a long breath, trying to find patience. "I care!" she said. "I do care!! I care so much more than you think, Ichigo!!"

Ichigo's eyebrows crumpled over his eyes as he stared at her. He didn't understand it.

Rukia finally looked up at him and muttered, "…do you have to… make me admit it??"

She was obviously in great despair and pain as she went on, "Surely you've been able to tell after all this time, Ichigo!! I've been trying to fight it, trying so damn hard to deny it!!"

The tears she had brushed away from before began to build up again and course down her cheeks and she felt ashamed as she knew he could see them. But she went on, her voice rising with emotion as she cried, "…I've been so fearful that you've found out! I've been so damn scared that you'll have noticed or realized! I… I can't bloody say goodbye to you, Ichigo, because I'm so in love with you!!"

Rukia's blue eyes shock Ichigo as they pierce through him, shiny with tars. Rukia breathes slowly after the outburst, trying to regain composure. Then her gaze hardened, and she clenched her fists and made a run for it.

--

He watched her running away from him again and was struck by how familiar this image had suddenly become to him. He recalled how the first time she left and there were tears in her eyes then too. He remembered hating himself for having been protected again and being left lying there on the ground in the rain as she vanished behind the door to Soul Society.

Even now, even now after all this time, the image still burned in his mind and he found his face tightening into a desperate scowl as he shouted out after her:

"Wait!! Rukia!! …Rukia, stop!!"

She made no move to pause or come back. Ichigo gritted his teeth and ran after her. As he neared her, he reached out and grabbed her hand, halting her. Rukia froze, panting hard from exhaustion and tears and angrily turned her head to look at him.

"Ichigo!! Why… dammit…!! Let me go!!" She cried with frustration.

"No." he replied.

She tried to pull away but couldn't. He was too strong. She helplessly turned her head and glared at him again. She was surprised by the immense seriousness in his brown eyes.

"Ichi-" she started.

Her teary blue eyes widened as he leant down and kissed her.

When they parted, they both immediately look away in different directions, unable to comprehend what they had just done. Rukia stared down at the ground with an un-nameable expression on her face.

Ichigo smirked slightly, ignoring the blush building on his face and told her casually, though thoughtfully, ""You were telling the truth when you said you were in love with me, right?"

Rukia continued glaring with hatred at the ground, silent.

Ichigo slowly looked at her. "…otherwise, you wouldn't have kissed back just then."

"Inoue… she…" Ichigo started, thoughtfully and Rukia raised her head just a fraction of a centimetre. "Is she the reason you're suffering so much right now? Because… you reckon you're betraying a friend. But… then aren't you also betraying yourself and me if you try to run away from it? If… Inoue is really your friend then she won't hold it against you."

They were silent.

Ichigo sighed as her abruptly let go of her hand and stepped back from her. He held his arms out wide, his expression searching. _Now what?? _

She could read his emotion.

_Now what, Rukia? _He frowned at her. _What are you… going to do now?_

Rukia turned slowly and stared at him motionlessly for a second. Her cold expression broke as her eyes overflowed with tears. She took two running steps into his arms, much to Ichigo's surprise.

She buried her face and her tears in his chest and her arms reached around his waist, hugging him.

"I…" she muttered fearfully, "…I like you, Ichigo! I really… really like you so much!" Her voice was muffled. "I… love you… but I knew… I knew couldn't! And I knew I shouldn't!! I know… that we're different and I know that Orihime liked you first… and what right have I to like you too? I wished… I hoped that I could go back to thinking that relationships are meaningless, I wanted to think of love as boring and unimportant but… it got really hard. I… I'm sorry, Ichigo!! I can't help it… I love you…!!"

His widened eyes returned to normal. Ichigo's arms dropped and found their way around her small shoulders. "You know… I've always loved you, Rukia."

A smirk crossed his face. "And I've always known you were seriously crushing on me since way back!"

Rukia snapped her head up, flushing furiously. "What?!"

"You're such a stubborn fool," Ichigo said, grinning devilishly. "Denying your own feelings!!"

Rukia pulled away from him, still flushing and scowling, but Ichigo reached out a hand and grabbed her head, mussing up her black hair as he easily pulled the small girl back and planted a kiss on her forehead.

Ignoring Rukia's jaw dropping, he turned towards home and grinned to himself as he walked off. Without looking back, he stuck one hand into his pocket and the other one out for Rukia.

"Come on, Rukia. We're goin' home."

She looked at his outstretched hand and his back towards her. She ran after him and took his hand.

Ichigo held on to her hand and glanced at the black-haired shinigami beside him. There was an awkwardness here, holding hands like this, both thinking too hard about how to walk at the same pace and not moving their fingers at all, both so self-conscious, but it was okay.

Ichigo gazed up ahead of him, at the beautiful purple-blue sky falling around them. And smiled.

Here… with Rukia's hand in his, walking beside her… here it was all right.

And he felt… the pain from before… all of it- the hurt and burden of losing his mother, of blaming himself, all the uncertainty with himself and becoming a shinigami… all the despair from having to rescue those who mattered to him, the anguish from being unable to protect someone, the weakness of not being strong enough… the shock of having killed the one he loved… all the silent stabbing suffering from the Hollow inside him that refused to die… the desire and hurt from loving Rukia… it all…

He smiled gently, thoughtfully to himself and Rukia glanced up at him with a puzzled expression on her face.

Yeah… all of those things, all of that pain that had happened… everything… that unmendable hole in his heart… was beginning to heal.

**The End. **

**Ahh!! It's finished!! It's finished!! I can't believe it!! TTTT Thanks so much to everyone who read this and thanks so much for supporting me and helping me through this super tough and angsty fic!! THANKYOU!! I wanna thank especially nee-san (Tsukihime-nee) because you've been reading my fics for so long now!! Well, I hope to write something new soon!! There will be no new fics for a while 'cause I'm taking a break, but look out for some hitsukarin hopefully sometime!! See ya soon!! emichii! **


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